Flinging things about a bit ...

... tonite ... 

On talking out loud with me sister again today; I am coming to the conclusion to let strangers do some of it ... the best thing I will be away from it for a while to rethink strategy ... 

On starting tomorrow ... the countdown to events in the now ... The tasks allotted alongside the preparations for these coming events ...  

It was worth doing a bit more today, when I am supposed to be resting ... One can see the small signs of progress and I hope to feel a bit more eased in mind on seeing it tomorrow... 

And probably after this trip back home ... I can get rid of the larger items in mind ... they said they will work around the future living arrangements I have in mind ...

Decisive decision making again ... 

... Lost in time in thought ...

The many spurts and splutters of inspiration without leaving the home in reality or virtually 

The hub bub of a creative mined ... just in this evening already ... Let alone throughout this Bank holiday Monday... I can not keep up physically ... With this overly complicated suppressed catching up ... 

Anythings that pops out and gets done is always a bonus ... 

Darkness into the light ...

The edge of a river dark and forbidding as this is here in the dark recess of such time ...

A floral border of the discovering finds in treasures of the sentiment in cherished times to spark memory gaps of a dysfunctional time 

The Passage of Time

In ya face ... the stepping stones in memories ... I will hope to ignore this to have some clean cook time to improve the ambiance. The aroma too. The requirement to get in some supplies. I hope the extra day means it will less hectic today. The grey weather today means usually the shops are busier. 

The pattern of shopping in this home. The stock in, to survive in not going out. The secret life of this life to survive... the secrets of survival in not speaking to a soul for time on end. Amazing what the human spirit can endure.

While I await the tatties

to froth and boil
in the kitchen a toil
bringing the layers
in time a bang
up to date in current time
used to be hot dates
on this late
and again too
now I am through

I am a whiffy

Not for those who are sniffy or stiffy
A way of unkempt at bay
Only those special
will hand you a tonic in token
the words left unspoken
for those treasured moments sent
in a froth of aromas heaven scent

A breath of different times

... I like many ... I like some ... I like none ... the sweep of a spring clean is of a different connotation ... All the articles on the usual organising of a life ... I have yet to discover the principle on it going further than the usual ... 

The estimation of time spent in a closet ... If you can even see or have one in the first instant ... 

And that is long after the mindset of days on end bogged down and under life .... phobias and strange deeds ... of others .... in might and out of sight behind all those doors in the world if your home is in the same place every day ... 

Immersed into Tasks

... I rejigged things around ...  yet again in all aspects ... 

And will be rewarding myself for today's tasks 

I also intend to retry all the reservations I have about future ideas, to attempt in recovering my zest

I also anticipate more loss in operation ... wipe out ... 

with hopes to take on a challenge in Kernow 

... All will  ... I hope become clearer ... 

... Time in Motion ...

A lot less time and wasted energy in the recent areas of use of better space especially in the workable in liveable areas ... 

Now ... It is getting into the swing of it being second nature once again ... like getting just out the door ... The bag keys all the paraphernalia of going out .. 

The every aspect of life lost ... on those on the front line at the very beginning of this long, long recovery ...  exacerbated by brutally dishonesty ... lies and non transparency... 

Eerie shadows in a daze

whether night or in the day
a jump in light a sight
A tap behind in delight
the wicked wit in a titter
of time in strong decline
a flip, a flick to get in line

A trickle in a pickle

a sickle in the scythe
The imagination runs wild
In a good stile up to a peak
Forteous in find, this life a peek
Into a roll of hay not a needle to seek
Feeding the help into others needs
A perpetual harvest time in deed

... A Challenge and Half ...

... A mind boggle ... 

... I decided to have a tea break ... tis thirsty work ...

I am working slowly through in the first part of putting everything of sort together 

And keeping track of the daily things 

It tis an interesting timeline 

At least my footwear for Kernow is sorted ... I tend to avoid these coming months ... I did last year ... 

I had been wondering about my footwear ... 

The other day I came across a pair of brand new walking boots ... 

I am not ready to enclosed my feet in those still ... 

All this conflicts ... It took a while to enclose them in everyday wear at first 

... Back to the Marathon ...

In the area I am tackling ... today ... 

I will then be able to enjoy the milestone not passing me by ... I have planned a trip out on a circuit walk ... near the train station ... the hopes for afternoon tea somewhere ... I will need to get my bearings ... And take the tiredness in consideration with back up options ... 

An arduous Afternoon

Again I could not resist the temptation to see what could be done. I get fed up with the tedious tidy up for the ...  time out time ... I pulled out another dust cloud to see what was there ... the initial look is the most fascinating... 

... this time I was transported to all the kindness shown ... and correspondence from those too who have now died ... since my husband ... 

It has been quite an afternoon ... 

Trial Tribulation in Era,

trouble times in error.
Finding thy inner well,
when times not so swell.
Finding twas overwhelmed,
now I am back at the helm.
time in thine to being kind,
time in simple nature find.
Time in images with words
to heal those, when not heard

the promise to myself

to keep it steady ... i did for this day ...

the time to myself ... no distractions ... i found the inner peace again ... this too with all the finds or not the case maybe, in the tidy up of a past ... 

I have kept some sketch equipment in the keep area ... it is much like a jumble sale within the home ... the stash busting of my varied hobbies ... within the muddle of paperwork some of which is irksome ... 

the reminding of keeping at the re-establishing of old structures and be bothered again ... restoring harmony and balance which had long been lost ... 

to get the enhancement of life simple and positive flowing through the home that was once here, with a versatility and vitality ...

A steady Saturday ...

... Well into the wind down ... I hope I have left enough time to ease the stress into the life of past present into future diversions to keep a good mix going ... 

The bog down of past towards the last day of doing this seems overwhelming. This with doing it in varying degrees ... the challenge set as a marathon... 

All the things I have completed in life, the race is on to get it done before I am finished. 

Though life will be .. whar be ...

A night in Neverland

this is the life ...

In ones encumbering of a failed continued care package ... taking a long road through a mess in muddle ... the ups downs twists turns and circles of getting ones head round the various strands 

The letting go 

Yet more decisive decisions

... this bit is harder this time as it is my loves ... that once was 

I am now the one 

The days are gone; I enjoy my own time more now ... 

... The Duvet dayish to Delights in the night ...

... this is the life ...

... the jigsaw puzzle of life pieces to fit back in ... the exceleration of seeing the bedroom wall again just like recently in other areas ... The start of hauling the things in the way to make room for the layout I now require ...

And rearranging the furniture back ... into a better arrangement

... which, where and what in which bedroom ... 

... and get people in to shift it out ... to raise money for others ...

But first ... the irksome muddle ... 

The Simple in the fathom

And chaotic 

A day of finding simple in solutions 

This there and that there 

The delights in finds 

The repeats 

The continued pattern of behaviour that went awry 

The fact I could now access some areas a tad better was forgotten 

It is only this year the kitchen is going beyond the work triangle in a reasonable size kitchen

The items that went missing

from the first full flood throughout the flat were retrieved today ... 

In the wind down phase from making space in the cupboards to organise the keep items ... 

And filtering out for the charity ... All those ideas that never materialised with the ever evolving events at another home, a bedside, a thumb injury, and floods and all my finances back in order .... 

Where to start at that time ...?

Finances took nigh on a year to settle down, I was on paper record ... not electronic at first  ... Money came in drabs ... 

Be kind to thyself day ....

I resisted making more mess in my determination to get to pasture blue and green in reams ... such  is the wall of concrete this town is ... 

This despite having the best park I know ... and loads of green spaces ... And my old home village nestled in time gone by just, up the road ... and they have a RNLI ... 

I did my coast guard at Port Issac for part of the Duke of Edinburgh .... Along with cross country running for another ... I have still, to come across those documents and badges ... 

... better still to come across this part of the world itself again ... in my new exploits ... 

... A later Start today ...

... Although ... I just wanna get on with it ... this is the life of kin of failings ... I flail through this in calm and patience to agitation and impatience ... One extreme to tother ... 

I am listening to some of the Greatest Classical pieces in this time ... the likes of Beyoncé CoolioTurner Sinatra Williams reserved for the active moments ... 

Time out then time out ... 

...My night of up ...

... this is what stirred up in trying to move forward ... another death to get our time around ... all new in so much ... 

And what might have been; is not ... And I am now free of a burden ... but not quite the other yet ... 

My evening as destined ...

... and predicted .. Another area tomorrow and off to the charity shop again no doubt ... 

a long memory lane tonite

And a flashback too 

On death no 2 from that time ... this moment ... 

Another Drawer of Memories

...Will be ripped apart this evening ... 

Destined to be reused elsewhere to charity ... the kids and the undecided to come back to ... on a more ruthless day ... When it is easier ... The circles of mood mode ... 

Attempting the why ...

I am doing this 

It is not just a move 

It is syncing a more streamlined life 

to wander again in my way 

... The Day of Places ...

No one can begin to understand 

The day you go alone

The day you see what happened 

no one saw coming ...

Too busy being negative and getting told must 

The impact so soul destroying 

It is a wonder I trust another soul 

Thankful for the poem If ... 

It eases the contempt 

Action in the plan ...

... The night time works ... 

I have switched off for now ... I had already discussed with my sister I would probably be restless tonight and hope to settle to a film ...

She was having an early early night .... In which I had retorted it would be nice to do that ... It does not work for me at the minute ... 

Decisive in the altars...

In the lead up to my silver wedding anniversary ... The scattering of my late mum in law and a op ... I have on reflection today made visual plans with the upheaval already pulled out ... 

This forthcoming week will be interspersed with the general daily maintenance and organisation within the running of life.

A lot of co-ordination in scheduled time within my past present future timetable ...

The poem If ... Keeps me afloat ... 

If Ruyard Kipling 

Keep a track of the date

to wind down for all things different 

It will be a shame for not enjoying this home in its change

Needs a must

all those sayings from so many people along this change

In Kernow no doubt looking at areas to live 

A pack of a bag 

fresh bed linen and sleeping bags 

and more visits to a hospital 

And a special celebration that was not to be ... 

Some forget me nots

And some rather nots

... Time in Essence ...

... Kept in unkempt ... The all important functions that keep life ticking ... 

The most difficult in struggles. The time long gone in some minds surround. The worst from those who work with those of us that one thinks should get off ones arse. In fact we die quicker for we do not ever get rest .... We cannot switch off once the day is finished and no one is there to understand what a day you have actually had too ... 

It looks like I just moved things

from one place to tother... I have actually binned a lot ... It will be a long process of this ... I have waltzed round the home ... It has been a slow day today ... I have actually started to think about removing a lot of ornaments ... 

I am just utterly fed up ... I am living in the wrong country ... I actually like the idea of a Eco building in the woods and go off and live and pass in more natural ways ... 

Temptation in Track ...

I hope to wind down now ... The hardest job in this; is switching off at the day's end ... I have a few aims ... One of which is the end of the month followed again a few weeks later ... In the meantime I have plenty in the pipeline ... 

Another varied day in a voluminous  

A Kitchen Cupboard Not ruined in ...

... time ... 

The mixed pleasures in venturing in where time stood still 

I will now have more functioning space in these pleasures spaces 

It will take some getting used to and workings in mind

The irritants of time lost in my favourite room 

The tone ...

in muscles ...mind ...strength ...mood ...character ...is restructuring ever so slowly ...

It is good I was once of an active kind in hiking ...lifting ...jumping hurdles ...long jump  ...throwing as in javelin etc ...climbing ... diving ... swimming ... rowing and more ... It puts me in good stead for now ... I have always shifted furniture on my own ... 

Recently my Mum and sister let me take the lead on shifting a bed from first to second floor ... they could tell I had been re establishing my regained strength ... We managed lots on my last visit ... 

My next soon to be busmans break from my sorting ... will be assisting where my sister will be unable ... She is at the start of some ops ... the first one on one hand ... Ouch ... 

... My Date with the Black Hole ...

A Start in a Cupboard 

I unearthed some items for swift removal ... I am not impressed with what I was expected to go through ... honestly what s*** was left ... 

A continued waste of time 

 Enough said ... 

... A Hot Date .... ?

... Tonight ... 

... The fun in the families thinking ...

The Out Of Date

surely anyone with common sense would realise access behind what was seen would be nonexistent 

Lack of coordination between crisis and those who disappeared did not help thee .. 

... at such a critical time ...

... Frustrating Finally Speed in Mind ...

... to swift disposal of a lot ... 

This will not come together in the immediate ideas. It gives the gumption to attempt these ideas rather than think.  ... 

I hope to start the next phase sooner than later ... 

But first some time out today ... 

... Starting Over ...

... for the frustrations ... the trepidation... the flow out of this life in tatters currently clearing down and up ... is the chance to start again ... not a fresh start ... not the corny innuendos ... or what have you ... 

... A different start from now ... that some have at this stage of life ... whose children have flown the nest ... and some who have lost their spouse too ... for whatever reason ... and some like me where it takes special people to accept myelf within a home as it is for now ... 

The Pattern of Psychology...

On the 2016 posts on this particular blog ... the self analysing where I that others do not have the time to sift, sort and plan beyond ... sometimes rigid guides

The dips in February and April ... two difficult months ... 

The gradually increase in activity of this determination to get on with it where others fails ... 

After this period of acknowledging my quiet time, will be back on track for a joint meeting between agencies to avoid more passing the buck ...

The perpetual change of balls in the court ... 

... Beyond the Bathroom Cabinet ... Doors ...

... usually a simple task ...

... not in the environment that went potty ..

... where time stood still ...

... the waft of old perfume... today ...

... from finally putting on the disposable gloves... These are getting less heavy duty ...

The paraphernalia of being geared up for declutter; from the unspeakable time after through to now ...

The traumas of mixed new grief ...

and a silver wedding anniversary ... not to see ...

I am also attempting to go to an event to shake up the routine ... 

I am slowly getting through some weekly and monthly rituals to keep on top of those rumbling dilemmas when dealing with such a declutter project in hand ... 

Not a pipe dream

..not all stay in a rut or in a circle 

The strays of time ...a slow hurry to move ...

 I am attempting to do things in enjoyment living life now ... 

... the quality is still not good surrounded  by a load of of old ****

The bubbling mind of ideas ... actually in a hurry though until now ...I could not be *****

A Shattered time ... In all aspects of life ...

...this is about par for my journey ... The irksome ...the irony ...the solutions ... 

The Solutions ...

...very much part of today ... 

The settling in the new routines from drastic changes to habits made since my daughter set me on the path ... all the nurturing now being reciprocated when one is stuck in the muddle ...

Those too still hanging in the air from living by the way of no access to my dressing table and wardrobe as yet ... 

How one is supposed to get ready ... In this mess still... Beggars belief ... 

Only once has someone said "How do you keep track of everything?" 

... Case in point ... 

... Funny ... frustrating ... Fruitful...

.... About sums it up today ... 

.... On a morning in mourning ... A  Journey through pastures of dust ... sweat and bruises ... 

... A fast frantic toss to get it out of the system ... To a slow wind down ready for yet another time at another time ... 

I am now mind boggled again ...

It is a full day today ...

I will try and switch off and wind down for the evening now ... I am too tired to cook ... 

A lot of little treasures tucked away from that help back a few seasons now of gutting completely another home ... I have continued collating the same treasures ready to move North ... That will relieve space too ... 

All I hope will come together ... one day ... 

Although tonight I require to ignore the movement of sift and sort ... quick or slow ... all about me ... 

A Stuttering time in phases ...

 ... the power of will kicking in to replenish these moments.

Taking time to rest and realising there is nearly another years worth of clutter. This time instead on the network of airwaves in the virtual world reaching most corners of the earth ... besides all else that is in the cloud or hard ware ... 

The unearthing of time in belongings from muddle to tidy ... 

The chuckles in old photos and history. The frustrations of unnecessary time and energy wasted. The strength of mind too in not moving things to one place then another. 

All the different ways people deal with this speak in my mind. 

The observations made on the time briefly spent with me that the behaviour continued long after ... of certain life style things I was doing .

Myself noticing my shopping for food behaviour. The use still of what I do around here. The other thing that is dwindling ... unless I get too low in mood. 

The clothes and shoes style in change. My hair ... the fact I wore eye shadow for the first time in many moons albeit applied from the unused palette of colours of my daughter's, by my daughter, on the day of the most recent funeral ... 

I did not recognise myself ... It is like that ... When a photo is taken, it is like looking at someone else all the time ... Where did that time go?

... Mess ... Tidy ... Mess ...

... The eternal slow, slow, quick, quick, slow dance around the clutter ... old and new again today through the letterbox ... 

The invoice for the balance outstanding of the funeral still coming here, when it is supposed to be sent to our cousin ... 

I could not deal with all that paperwork and organising of my husband's Mum at the time of his death ... as I would have done, if I had had the right support at the right time ... He thought he never have to never do all that again after both his parents passed ... for his maternal Auntie ... my late mother law  ... though playing a part in some of the strands like the clearance of where items went from her home and arranging the wishes known from my decades in the family, towards her funeral tributes ... 

My daughter and her Dads cousin doing what I should have been able to do ... instead head deep in clutter myself too ... Of all strands and function of life ... 

The light of day ...

... it is easier to trudge through back life in the lighter months ... No faffing with lights in fairy land so much ... 

I hope to go less round in circles ... 

You could wait more lifetimes waiting for others to assist ... seeing as we were left to die once ... I do not hold out much hope ... 

I have some unnecessary correspondence to deal with ... 

If just this part of the improvements have happened it is something tiny out of much ... 

We as a family reunited after time I withdrew from life for matter of complex time to assist my now dead hubby to get through this part to give me back a quality of life ... 

Last night ... I came across a photo tucked inside items retrieved in 2014 from another home. It was of my late mother in law with my then young hubby with the neighbours child in the back garden when they were first built ...no trees or hedges then or any landscaping yet  ... just the original fence ... and end wall ... before people built themselves in with dark shade for privacy ... 

That house olong with others  ... were built on an orchard ... 

Take the mind away ...

... how does one switch off ...

never not thought out ... the comments along the way ... The day people come back into the home that are not professionals ... will be the day that time cease to exist and back to where I was ... 

The Urge in the surge ...

.. The month of May ... 

These times blue in anew ... 

Taking more time out for a moment to figure out so much still, the need to the want. The type of training in the requirements of a fulfilling life to be...  

The feelings and layers of burden falling away ... Is only a scratch to what still lays ahead ... 

The clutter in my head ... The need to continue to streamline ... The elimination of the waste of time effort in all around  

The irritations in making more work for ourselves as a species ... 

The blackbird ferreting around in the moss for nesting materials using what nature gives .... not take to the detriment of the planet ... 

A little mind boggled ...

... At least some errands to run today ... to clear the webs of time cluttered in my head ...

As Much as I am missing much ...

... I am feeling freer and freer

After four more days of work ... I went out to feel the breeze that used to be ... Today will remind me when I do the growling ... Or chasing my own dilemmas ... what maybe at the end of these months... 

Our cousin worked through the other home in a period of time ... 

I have added time for my problematic timescale... 

When I get to a certain point ... I will see how it is for the next two stages ... 

Finally too some minor results in the other areas of life's... The other strand awaiting an outcome ... Give that a bit more time ..and process to next stage too ... 

Although first ... A trip out in the Park ...

One took the bus along to the next parish and a walk along lanes through an avenue of trees back into our parish into the park 

Ambitious plans for the week ...

... Thoughts in mind while working round each other with the Gas Safety Check ... 

All operatives adaptable ... I get so carried away that those even around me at least let me try my method of madness ... 

I suppose it is better than chucking it out the window, the door, the car or on the drive as is past ... Now that dilemma part ceases to exist ... The legacy still does ... 

Now for the try again in a plan of a lounge to function from corner to corner ... 

The Day after The week restart ...

... A little lost as to where things went ... That was to be expected after the mass movement of quick decision tossing away the layers in the homes... 

an afternoon in past ....

The colossal mess in the lounge again. This will be dispersed again only it will be busy this time in the bin stores etc ... Especially those not mindful of us who live here ... And so too at the charity stores ...

The art of disposal ...

For all the sadness this ruthlessness entails ... I finally came across more items thought gone ... More memory blanks filled for today ...

The thoughts into the large items ... when the more manageable are organised ... With be a phase to achieve and not wait on others ... Especially those who not follow through or listen or so rigid ... 

It is so irksome ...

the designs and quality of items and all those tags and labels stuck on things ... The fact we have evolved with bare skin that in some cultures are not fully clothed ... All that linen ... 

I have been intrigued in more recent times in what is still here ... The books on our subjects of interest long past now ...

If you looked on a book shelf and saw a book entitled "Why sex is fun?" I wonder what you think ... It is in the study area ... On the subject of evolution ... 

Getting behind and back to the functioning room ... And rooms ... 

After Tueday's gas safety check ... I hope to pull out what again was stuffed from the mass clear sift sort and reacquaint the room with more space to function 

The reappearance of an area ... 

The Task is set ...

Corner to corner of a home ... Where it is one of many pockets of land lived in where orchards and meadows are dwindling for concrete and sometimes Eco buildings ... And other so called progress ... 

For once ... doing the same as many who use this time on the home after working the hours to pay for it ... Moving life about ... 

Instead of enjoying  leisure time ... 

Yet another personally known casualty of working too much and not at play ... Only recently with a health scare making a family slow down ... in juggling work, home improvements and helping others besides all the rest ...