On hold while ...

making the funeral arrangements for a beautiful service to celebrate the life of a dear Mum in law in the way my late husband would have done 

Our daughter doing the eulogy as she did for her Dad with some of my words as always ... 

Tense Times ...

... at this juncture ... my original plans on hold in carrying on where I had left off, to have a bit of a busman's holiday ... 

... returning from this time away to organise all that has become in our life at this sad time of another beloved family member passing away peacefully ... her Grand Daughter by her side, my daughter of whom her late Dad ... my husband would be so very proud of again, at a time of this great loss in our family ... 

Haunts in the Dreams ...

and that society outside does not assist ... in that the struggles of normal disposal is difficult for those who struggle and the cutbacks and greed elsewhere in that same society ... 

These are the days

Interacting with other human beings in usual ways and surroundings doing things once did .. You ponder so .. Where did it go ? 

Some of the areas just cleared and made good ...

Getting a drench of water from the flat above  ... This is what is has been like from the moment my late husband was medically retired ... At too early a time ... Going from one thing to another ... I have sometimes wondered ... ? 

I will return to it ... Anything can happen between now and then ... Another catastrophe could happen ... ? 

A mix of a evening ...

... All the meals are done ... Part 2 tomorrow and I will probably pick up something through London along with the personal needs I always carry in case ... Mood dependant ... 

The food ready for the return and picking up again where I left off ... On belongings dispersal ... 

It is now a relax in the bath and a film that is on tonight, ignoring all about me now .... My mind set on getting from A-B ... with a journey that takes us via London Heathrow ... All a busy route too ... 

For time with others ... For now ...

A Trillion of things

Fill me head

It is hard to explain even to those who do not really know much about our lives ...?the client unless have lived this life I just went to bed without the wind down. I was sleepy. I did make sure everything was locked down etc . And of course I have the restlessness that gets me in the most in opportune times 

I went and tidied up doing the dishes and am hoping there are no taps left running or turn on by themselves if someone is playing with me 

I have been reaping the rewards ...

continously from this years current clearance ... It is reminding me how I got stuck in a sticky situation for someone who does not like to be too tied down ... The paternal line nomad of sorts travelling from place to place in me ... I love my home too ... Again though easy to move ... And move again ... 

This has given me a new avenue to decide on which route to take at the end of this tedious at times change in the home and circumstance ... 

Today ... is not to ...

get side tracked ... 

the ponder in this dark yonder ...

Or to get overwhelmed ...

Especially coping with days like non transparency as again on Friday ... it disturbs the dust within me... 

More soothing music and gently ease into this to me ...mammoth task of winding down to have time with those who give unconditional love in our lives ... and some quality time together ... the ones who besides hubby and daughter who know me best ... apart too ... from that precarious time ... that no one knows ... not even hubby at his what was to be .... his end days ....

As To When ...

Getting my head into research on clearance while the wheels of due process turn slowly. I can make a use of the achievements ... It will be strange to reverse the counties for visiting and living ... 

Today I was able to enjoy the newly acquired areas again ... Although the tasks have been kept manageable to wind down for a while ... It is making a difference.. 

The steady pace I am achieving and for those who doubted me ... Do not know us ... 

As Is ...

... Life ... All those quotes running through ...

I took my mind off my lapses of concentration and silly moments when one revisits the past in this instances of de cluttering ... It is sooo ironical I am currently travelling in the first year after death  ... From the move from temporary accommodation  to back home .. I travelled this afternoon ... 

In the past ... 

• About the January to March time ... 
• Then I visited the year of Dad .. 
• Taking items past to the various Charity Shops 

Currently ...

• I have been in the now ... Shopping for today 
• Dealing with Communications 
• Dealing with my lapses of concentration mistakes 

And the future ...

• Shopping for my toiletries in travelish style ... I don't faff about ... I try to make it simpler today 
• Dealing with Communications 
• Leaving my mark in what you kindly take time if you are reading this ... wherever in the world you may be ... just as once I did myself, when I was reading blogs people took the time to do ... I was left with an imprint from that ... and my once research on many subject be it blogs articles or documentaries ... before I started to give up on life .. Along with hubby ... 

1. ulceration and smell of wounds in nursing and out in public and case studies 
2. Florence Nightingale 
3. History and current Mental health 
4. Evolution on Smell and the senses 
5. mental health and 
6. Body Language
7. Anthopology 
8. Taboo subjects as in Cremation and the history of the wishes of other cultures in countries we may reside with funerals etc ... 
9. Geography 
10. History 
11. Design and studies obviously re entering a career ... 
12. Deaf studies 
13. Topography 
14. bullying and 
15. the lighter side of life in my cooking home crafts and literature etc ... Funny things too ... 

Which is a all bit difficult to follow the now .... as in Mindfulness etc ... With so much struggling and juggling ....

Destination Charity ...

More of the round of dispersing the belongings between two of the charities today ... Perhaps the RSPCA need to cash in on this ... 

They are everywhere in the shops ... through the junk mail ... Pleading not to throw away a dog on the mail shot ... again .. They do not think of the collectors in hoarding ... these pleadings on paper do not help the clutter ...  I have the hard experience of this type of hoarding ... Not with hubby though ... 

A Bit Of This ... A Bit Of That ...

The shredder is getting more accessible ...

The work slowing sifting through

into a more pleasurable time

I am continuing fine tuning right from the past to current time in hand 

The recycling system better for not only the daily items, but  the mass and the volume of the past disappearing ever so slowly from the home ... this place ... in a better system each day 

A home that is getting to use the purchase from the first year of a lovely recycling bin to put the shredding for now ... 

... from reorganising from the home that disappeared under dust, damp and clutter. Where the air could not circulate. And only noticed by the family, and once verbally and not with the eyes from one other of the many people who have since passed through my life and home ...

Managed a day ... relaxing among the mess ...

starting the more productive progress ... getting to enjoy the nicer parts of the stash, the colour and the sounds found and getting the very start of a better order in the life I particularly like ....

And some automated chucking out of past and yesterdays photos from the platform that led to taking the plunge into the blogging world ... all the better stuff ... 

I am amazed at the photo album filling up again with works of all I do ... Amazing ...

And on this particular day, a previous gift from my daughter of a plush cushion, with the very first just two of us photos, that were so missing for a while ... that lies on my bed ...

Unfortunately this is not the only home ...

to have seen such tragedy. We are one of the many families through these homes since the 1950s. And prior to that what was here before. It was a class system of homes that came to this town. As happens throughout history. 

This area was for the put upon on society. The overcrowding. And with the social housing that these are, the various changes in this overcrowding that continual evolves throughout history. The laws that change over time. It is now acceptable to have children of the same gender sharing a bedroom, and up to a certain age if mixed. I think once it was three children to a bedroom, before an eventual move on. All this we took an interest in when we came to social housing in the prime of our life. The start of life moving and pulling in the opposite direction. The start of a timeline of events that would degrade a life. From the bullying at work to death ...  

Today I am awaiting a delivery ...

it could come right up and into the evening ...

that is OK with my time table today ... It will be tiny. It will give me a source of amusement with daughter ... I will send a photo and see if she can tell the difference ... Only if it works ... 

I am on countdown to go out of town for a while shortly ... making plans for the return ... which is likely to get the bedroom pulled out ... this will mean removal of some items, that require a man with a van ... 

Again if I was in a better position, but the bother no ... I can always do what I better not write about ... that was advised by the crisis team ... No wonder people get confused ... one rule one time; but not another ... 

Silence Speaks the Loudest ...

the impact of those gone, reverberates. It will always be with me, here or there. When I get to the end destination it will still be there ... but no constant reminders. 

Hold on to that thought ...?

Decisions and Decided on the Undecided ...

from the month of February I put aside the undecided items. I am glad to have this time to myself, no comments or looks on what is to others can now be weird decisions ... I do not like certain things in my home ... and that includes alcohol and glasses ... along with newspapers, mags, junk mail even more so ... scratch cards, lotto dockets, and so it goes on ...

Today I made the decisions of some of these items. They are off to charity too ... if I feel differently later, I can get some more.  I am talking about the wine glasses and crockery and vases I no longer use. I do not think others would appreciate the rubbish, unless it is a winning ticket ... a bit out of date now.  I should think.

My sister knows how ruthless I am being ... but still there is the undecided items...