A year worthy in much

... a long way and still the long twisting road to continue on ... the days in little or much in moods many in varied. The way in structure and schedules alien to me. I do things in whim. That is the struggle. Tis better than thinking how do I move on ... ? 

And the periodic look at the achieve in the photo journey. This particular trawl in mid July before the leave in the gift of time. The mental note of where I was at home. A task to incorporate routines back in the life. I was discovering much in mid July. 

I have picked up a bit of that with the next batch of clean and remove. The decisions giving me much dilemma. Then the latest health antibiotics making me realise a little in much... 

Sanctuary a Sunday in a

... Monday 

I really rather just hole up these days last, however the talk with others in the recovery star days ... the requirement in working in tandem with it ...

Tomorrow time ...

after the trauma night of terrors ... the adjust accordingly... 

I spoken and seen life today 

but with a distant air ... 

The difference in delivery men 

Time not in rush today 

Yesterday was snatched and running out the door 

The modern tech keeping tabs on the amount time per task 

Stats in job performance 

Walk in local long ...

... seeing as a spark of the sporty gear back in place. I have mislaid some of my sports tops. The trouble dealing in volume from others. The times things get scooped up for removal. 

I will cope with what I have. Therapy attempt ringing in your ears ... Does it matter if you cannot find it ? Yes unless you go in your birthday suit ... then it does matter ... Tidy ways in peace for a more peaceful time, too. 

My home had lovely ways of living how I like. I am ever so slowly reclaiming it back. My way. My things that make me tick in elation. The feel again of such times finally seeping in. It would be good not to have been scarred so ... The think that since the crisis I have not heard from those in the know, who understood that type of trauma. There are others in worse situations... 

The rigid clumsy attempts before the death came ... and still continues with the minority  ... those in after the time should that never twas ... then too late in milliseconds ... 

At least my late mum in law had end days in better pleasant... I hope to, too.

Hols in splash

... the distant memory back into more a reality ... 

The road trips. When everything turns dull, I have more of a determination to work through the indescribable for the end colour to come back in thy ways. I hope to continue to achieve this weekend in context. The diversions great. The muster in much. The time back after time in gift. 

The new light

in the ambiance ... tis strange seeing change in this... I have done much today, not done in a while. The deeper recesses a tad. The very small change. 

The tatty in the time stood still. The notice each time I enter back in after climes more in better elsewhere. 

pay day

with a bank holiday... 

A day of forgetfulness sprinkled with a tad of progress. The heavy head lifting eventually. I drank plenty. I walked out. And I tidied some more past present and future out and away. The daily with the long past time stood still yuk...

I did not go out to the local bank holiday fireworks. I have had my indulge in much this summer. The focus on the future and a bit of time with my mum and sister soon on our loved ones anniversary ... And a sisters birthday...

The world out

within the world within ... striking a life where I can mull over in my time on travels lone... The fun in single, single holidays that conquer up in thoughts of those holidays ... finding what sits and suits ...  the package versus one of my choosing... the base of those online advance books of rooms and travel at a base for some exploration ... 

Over this year past much research in a pilgrimage of those missions, the calling, the volunteering, the backpacking, the Black Forest link I found of holidays with families on farms etc etc etc ... not in the immediate ... this interfaced with future vocational aspirations of where life needs most assistance in time not just money ... 

A buddy or a dog or house sitter ... so many flurries ... The find as I work through much debates dilemmas or just plain give up moments ... the more enchanting times in this summer past giving me more a tad oomph ! 

Ideas Fluncuations

possibilities and dilemmas. Destiny lines in fate. The archives. The see in after. How the mind works. The groggy. Or the wide a wonder in the wee small hours. 

The rise and

fall ... those ideas in perspective ... I have been quite aggravated ... a sisters support from a far. The listen to her recuperating stories. The work stress. At times far away today. At least I made a start daily. I pushed the boundaries of comfort to the long term gain of better. 

The path hardly smooth ...

the usual daily tidy up ... the tick over of the influx of daily mess in life... The thoughts now on some solutions while I deal with some immediate ones ... my mind coping with the transition... 

Life in two other generations homes, a friends too in the early days, the guiding light I can once again live ... 

I have not been up to visit further than my zone to others yet ... the offers many have been there ... The focus on the immediate triangle of those who know how I used to tick ... 

Small segments

in the overwhelms? The step out of the zone in comfort ... a daily task until maybe it falls in place? 

The rest in ease

a wobbly night meant disturbed peace ... a more restful day ... The ignore of the mess around of integrating back in after time elsewhere in better enchanting recovery.

The attempt already to keep at it here. The sister who knows when I mean what I do in say. The tatters of a life in silent holdback ... the break free of invisible restraints only I see ... 

The daughter is in Wales on a work residential ... no ordinary 9-5 Mon-Fri for us. The respite that failed us we give in those vocational work to others that otherwise be lost to them .. 

We all need respite from the life expected of us. Those that have no respite in the personal behind closed doors do so too ... 

The inadequacy of life and work and more 

Thoughts ahead

Getting further to the furniture in time loops 

The paper flow never

 understood ...

I took in some once ... Or few or many ... 

On change over too ... One week different so to the other ... the gap between appointments of many and different a humongous struggle 

The time in limbo from life where I had no need to deal with Normal and usual to usual others  ... we were life wrecked beyond repair .. I could not communicate it ... It hurt too much ... 

The back in

the wrong climes ... it is like stepping back in time more ... Especially after time in more that is usual for us in our child's new home. Even though that is disjointed, this month in Summer span of days in move and change ... 

The camp style in a new home with starting from complete scratch
At least they can hang the stockings up here, in this home at Christmas 

The joys of shared moving in stories and experiences into the very first home with their fellow peers ... and colleagues etc 

The hopes

... to put in place where I was and all the flurry in fury of much on returning to the utterance of my late husband's legacy ...

I hope the solutions work in a way to suit my tattered life in repair ... 

The align back

into that space reduced still in areas ... the beneficial gift in time to a child setting up home for the families encourage in spirit that it can be done. The difficult known in my millisecond struggles of undiagnosed deep dips of euphoria to the deepest dismal peaks down in depths of that precipice entice to ease the indescribable pain 

A more restful

away from the legacy left of unnecessary for a tad ... the response in the see of the mighty task left me ... 

the continue on in some bedding luxury to the senses and those things only my Dad realised I needed for a more creative life ... 

The spoils of basic in walking in shoes and clothes better to laying down to rest and all the in between ...

The quiet in the background of helping others ... 

And much more inspired on a journey to Cheshire East to another railway town people do not speak highly of ... the hidden gems in an area and in my creative recovery of the senses ... 

And the banter with locals ... I found a gem ...them !

The stench

of stagnant water mixed with cat litter in a recycle wheelie  ... it is not for me to say how others live ... I have an inkling that work came first and the home last ... my sister would smile with me in this irony of irony ... in how I came io live ... 

The amount of coins staples paper clips decorations and other paraphernalia tucked in the edges of the hard flooring cornice thingy in this new home ... the layers of life remnants gives me clues of Through the keyhole ... the more than the wear and tear of dust and grime ... 

This in scrubbing a life past for life new of my daughters new home ... We both not good with the mess this brings ... this the gift of time to ease this time the best way ... We see fit in our way and time ... It is what she wanted ... new builds have their own dilemmas ... 

A therapy in togetherness

a bond beyond 

These new beginnings in what we had once 

Space in life to grow in less stress times