Only just

... finished this day 

Two points of fact ...

We work harder than some think ... and the day is more drawn out ...

Those who think we do not answer doors or engage ... we are in our coping mechanisms as proven today ... 

I turn the door entry system off whilst I deal with this here in peace 

WHen interrupting

In my time ... the focus hard to regain ..

I now require to face where I left off when the mis  diaries of others intertwined my dilemmas that others do not see ...

Especially of an evening anticipated of more ease in wind down to be with others soon .... 

At least the space created gives an incentive ? Though presently it does not feel like it 

A little bit

of extra gutting out of an area ...  today and my .... what space created again ...!

It was not without a fright in see ... the rot continues on from that time ... 

 The disturbance of an appointment I stayed in all Monday morning turned up this day.. it was only by chance I heard the light tap on the door ... I had turned off the door entry, which I do when dealing with quandaries ...

 I was on my way out to catch the charity shops. Some close early for various reasons ...

I am now behind schedule to finish before the evening... The turbulence of the area is on my sleeping quarters  ... 

I require to get in my bed ... I do not let the clutter disturb the access to all functions ever again ... 

The way the home is it still bothers me so ... 

The days difficult ... today even more so ... 

The clear in the air

... air in the clear ...

The wonder whilst I pack down is amazing in the quandaries ... it is still difficult to focus ... the impatient in good mode apparent... 

The times I nearly cave in ... not so ... 

Pretty much

fundamental basics to live presently ... the absent turn up of appointments to fit regulations in homes we all have where non attendees

 After the time in and a no show within allotted time, went on an errand for some milk etc

I am now settling in for a movie, a good meal meal

I will do some tidy in normal later 

It has been a long day and it was a nuisance to have the appointments as it 'twas in wind await to see 

At close of day smother customer service communications

Difficult November into December

... I nearly passed out in the night ... 

I might just postpone the trip North ... I am letting it settle into the weekend ... I have been thrown a lot in this time ... and people just don't get it this far along ... 

The silent in the struggle ... 

I had a stream of nosebleeds last time I was left floating in the Spring of 2014 ... I had blood everywhere... 

This time I expected it considering the age of the next one ... 

I see what this afternoon brings ... I might just get back into clearing ... The moods many and every which way ... another thing not got 

The straddle in the pain across time on ... is all this worth it ? 

Another settle

in restless...  thankfully... 

The preps well under way in wind down mode 

The wonder have I left enough time in these quandaries with much in tandem new in new and striding out a tad in self empowerment... 

The forms, forms, forms, the due process in many procedures undertaken ... 

The entanglement on hold for a while ... the 🏡 options and clear in the new year ... 

The rest in a day of much emotional tangles with triggers everywhere I step out ... 

The season of goodwill that was not in a time before ... 

Another step transitional ...

... a week start on Monday with phoning and dealing with the paraphernalia of a continued application... . a very patient official in line trained ... the gather of supporting evidence ... The application notified by text alerts to keep one updated ... the await of those lengthy forms ... 

A bit of detective work to find out what I had an inkling of .... And yesterday a massive time in attempts to step out much different in old in new ... 

This will give a heads on for my impending move ... 

Today the walk out with a picnic to sit by one of the many resting areas as one gets mid way through the. Cycle of life ... this one being the very closest to my heart ...

A little earlier than original ... one needs a breathe of crisp fresh air to blow out the decrepit ...  

Foggy Focus

either my device is acting strange or I am posting illogically on the wrong log ...

The getting in gear from retrieve in remove to put in place a December in forward of much difference. 

It looks like time to rest back a bit. I am all tangled in rangles, and when you excercise hard the body is supposed to recuperate. The same for the mind. I need to give it some more fun. The time on rising up in the willies of a morning in trembles of the wrong kind .... 

I make many mistakes... not least in living again ... 

I just cannot get my head around understanding in times loaded with much. The obvious eludes me. Yet the two way loaded sentences flow out like a piece of cake ...! 

...Back in and to it ...

the requirement after normal environments soon ... on returning and stepping back in here, it will not feel too bad ... 

I can see the slow turnaround. Others will see it different.The feel in some semblance of workable space after pulling out the deep within ...  

Another charity drop off today .... but first it will be interesting how far I get by 9am ... and whether I can span two rooms ... and do the general clean and tidy in the other functions ... 

And then the next two days are pretty much similar. The hopes by week end to get in the mindset of including a day a week again doing something completely different .... 

And packing up for a little adventure of more activities normal in busman stays with various families ....

A mid week special

for a move day long ago ... not just a normal move day ... a day a country girl became a city one for a few years before settling in Kent. 

The rich heritage that I have enjoyed with family, friends acquaintances alike. I was treated well. The gifts showered in appreciation... a very special time ... 

The chalk and cheese in life. The respect you 'ave when you do well. The disdain when you are done on your luck ... !!!! 

Decision Making

...on the paper flutter clutter ...

will be easier on all those training taster notes, the rolling info in this returning to life! When this transition unfolds into more of the forays into a vocation! The not be hasty. The key info needed. 

The other correspondence from a cousins assistance.I will probably not revisit that time Now? Like with our deceased Dads correspondence with them in that time, it went in the disposal bundle to remove. My cousin stepped in when Dad was having that treatment that goes with fighting the Cancer invading. I had my correspondence. Dad had his, which we revisited in its disposal, on starting to clear his office out. 

Double whammy! 

Some Semblance

of further ordered restored in part ... after some rest from the dizzy spells ... The head still fuzzy and needs clearing out of the stuffiness still  ... 

Grappling Confusions

today ... therefore yet again a slow ease in kind to self. I have wondered often lately ... where am I ? 

 There is a lot of change still to tackle. My sister bothered at work again. Bless her...  Thankfully the one person there ... who with her quiet listening and positivity we have from our Dad ... 

The sleeping arena

in the long haul ... In the world of type ...

I am still being ruthless with the housekeep of the inbox 

With a device change in the most up to date of my devices, I now have countless unauthorised or not authentic communications ...the logic escapes me ...I have not had much junk escape through on the previous system. It was smoothly automated and filtered out with just the usual some escaping or mixed up, like it is ...

Another interesting time in some of the reasons why ...come further into focus in this progress how security conscious it actually is and is what it boasts. 

Whilst unsubscribing one not done before ...it was not as simple as the others ... 

I was definitely introduced to a good communications system on my debut into this world with one device  ... and I still miss it in part ... although this syncs a lot easier with more simplicity... the security is not always on par ...

A Monday

in moods afar ... The change in much.  The where do I belong. The recent alter reminding me that we never see the full picture. 

The timely triggers. The combat that I know the bigger step with newness each day makes me feel in quandaries beyond understanding in sometimes patronise from some ... 

The biggest though is continuing on and the learn that when I live among a death scene here. I will be able to live anywhere ... 

The echoes of time all round in the world wars. The conflicts scars in an area born that was bombarded in the war. When Mum was born in a home during the war shaken by nearby bombings is amazing in itself ... that we are here today ... 

A timely thought at poppy red time of November ... 

The wade

through in keeping at it ...

In chunks that new times evolve, brings to live when deal with the death of life here! The keep in mind that festivals with others in coming together with my various wider and core family And the new family who have embraced me up North. 

Life Tatters

to life scattered

and the piece together ... the growing replacements in life different The enhanced ways of adjusting paperwork without typing it all out every time ... 

Time in as planned

with a twist and spiral of emotions and a lot of adjustments going into the next day's  ... Thankful for a slight acknowledgement my diagnosis is a tad more than just Depression. A label too easy put on when palmed off ... 

A mass tidy up

Experimenting again with dictation and it is understanding my Cornish accent when I'm tired!  My eyes are having a rest, while I'm in the bath. 

I've done a bit of cleaning. And when I'm finished in here, in the scents of my man. I will be tidying away, ready to go out and get the fresh ingredients for baking. 

... if I don't fall asleep in the bath!

Track in Time

the organisational preparations for a forthcoming foray into the voluntary world expanded on from what I have done... and hope to do later in December. 

I collated all the paperwork items needed for ID and selling myself that I have kept track of in the constant shift in removal and change. And now to keep track of the bag ready in preps I will use on the day I trek out to attempt this new phase. 

Until then my mind back on implementing and improving the home environment... And some much needed rest from the drain on my brain resources. This tiring catch up on an extended time away from life in general ... 

Another wad

of pesky forms to invade my life to integrate back in the rat race ... 

A weekend of form filling ... the print off from the email and the form to arrive in the post ... 

And then back to it ... next week in the trawl of clutter busting .... 

Today I require back tracking to emails of importance; when I did not think life was important. The replacement of qualified education certificates that were destroyed. The CV assistance. The original saga for this position offered etc etc ... the data ... The adjustment of time lost but so too the long, long waiting list ... 

And if it doesn't sit right there are many other options and I did attempt again ... 

At least I have my new qualification certificates ... I kept track of ... That is indeed a start ... 

Despite the pits

I fall in and out of ... I remain semi focused on life now ... 

I am looking to a difference in room and space and life in general ... I will be off on me travels again. I have been in a flutter of papers ... 

The days in concentration depends on how swift, how in release that it goes and so forth. I have planned for the forgotten items. The requirement to get my Meds and protein replenished. I hope to get done tomorrow...  

I am not always getting it right. I do have more belief in myself of late. Though I get dented a lot ... 

Today in Tomorrow

ahead in pre-cook of one ingredient for a recipe, in the loops of thine in time rested after the haul ... The more control of what is in the food a little ... especially after a takeaway treat ... 

The reverse in treat ... after time denied in my own kitchen ... 

Extremely

dizzy ... today ... I had a day off from the clutter surround with time for a Tuesday treat for one ... the feet up. Though not before the usual clean and tidy with some laundry done...

Attempt another go after some air in a walk and a shop for milk etc ...

A bit of ease

following the turmoils of shift in mood troubling removal. The time to spend on the well being in this contradiction of life in times aghast and glory. The eager in getting this phase in situ. The well aware of overtiredness.. 

Daylight filters in the dawn. The staggered rest not ensuring completeness in restoring the recharge for the arduous task in this time ...