sitting in the room

with the warmth of the afternoon sun. This, just as we did on a different part of the day back at home once upon a time long ago, when things were as I had them to enjoy a sunny room ... The close of curtains for the glare of the time recent in Crewe too, for another, who moans cos not been in that position... 

Me ... I am sitting direct in the rays soaking up the experience of a little time in this sunny glow in brilliance and shine  ... and knitting ... 

... Displace ... Guilty ...

... Disassembled ... disassociate and a reason for living ... and the many irritation in the words said passed ... commented and in silent ... 

Transference ... the ignoring ... the wonders in down and dirty in decay mould dust and particles of a still problematic time ... 

The next lot of paperwork still linger in the air as those that pass are now gone ... The way forward and back to the side and up and down in the next few years in this ... The days of utter rapture and despair ... One day too late will the belief in time gone ... 

Things only get done in death ... fact in time ... only some know once you are gone ... you are gone ... 

The reverse in prevention in cure ... 

One cannot

get away from home life style .. a visit to a gentry home with masses of people traipsing around. The chats with guides. The history of the hierarchy of a massive home. The nosy around of kitchens, the estate office, the nursery, the school room, the hobbies, the dining. 

The servant quarters, the sluice room and more. 

A walk around the gardens. The renovations taking place in the upkeep the visits keep in supply to maintain

A delicious cake with a gorgeous cup of tea in huge tea cups. It felt a bit like the mad hatters tea party ..  

A Cornish coastal

coffee ...  a reminder that we were in palmy Newquay ... no traditional fare of the coast. 

The thoughts never far from the attempt in plans. Another fruitful time further on in the stale air of decay ...

The anti climatic tasks on return into the silent rumbles in clear of a life once impeded ... 

In the meantime a sister in supportive mode of a first visit back to a coast not seen since that time ... the space again to take in the fresh views of old in modern in solace, silent and stunning in spectacular to see a once often familiar sight ... by foot and on wheels ... 

Away from ...

... the abode for a time with others. This occasion with my family in Cornwall. The travel by rail. We were at Reading a lot quicker, for me anyway, until this trip the coach has been my mode of transport.

It is very, very strange familiar. I have not been on this service for countless seasons It is a lot more antiquated than Euston to North West of England. The reservations still on pieces of card. 

A Day from the ...

depressing...into the breeze and stillness of a September afternoon in the park via a lot of mixed memories ...

Enjoying the bounty of nature in oak and chestnut tees to name but a few... The flora and fauna of the autumnal season of harvest ... 

...time in limbo ...

... the transition into more of a time away than of late ... the request to bring the camera which I must remember to pack ... the top of Brea hill ...? A National Trust place ... ? Newquay for a sim, if mine does not arrive ... ?  A lot of transitional time in much .... I am leaving the hub, that I have used on a device, since my sister introduced and much is and has changed away ... 

A time to get used to a different way of organising all those methods of communication, we can now have on these contraptions ...

I loved the simplicity of not having to wait to log in on a desk top, it all filtered into one place ... 

And for amusement while I am away, the array of much it is all in virtual, only trouble is security and safety to wind down this part of life. And the charging.

A lot of those I know prefer the feel of physical things. My life took a different course. The yellowing papers are diminishing ...

The books replaced with quality paper if required for study, or visual on a device. 

.... Jiggle in the ....

... Wriggle 

The squirms and the giggles 

Certainly a day of mixed extreme emotions and motions in movement of the various tasks with the daily and day to day bothers at times on Friday. The slow down with the inevitable interruptions of that past shouting it's blast ... 

Complete day out

with just a bit of life errands and daily functions ... No duvet day for us ... We attempt the grasp in life 

Those hollow days past of raw grief. The time in strange environment immediately in the aftermath of the crisis that beset in time, with a daughter on those precious two of us time. The times in foetal position numb. The sit into space. The hibernation. All mixed up in suspended time...

That is when I could eventually be left alone to grieve in peace. 

Busied myself

in the kitchen. I could not settle. I attempted a triple bill of movies to rest. I have finally stopped. I rejiged things about. Again the little touches make a difference. I have culminated my habits that begone in a splurge.   

The definitive erasure of those bad habits picked up and continually bothered me after a while. There may be no papers apart from the evasive papers that come in importance. I certainly have a problem there. I need to reacquire my ways before the eventual move in time overdue by the time this is done 

Fine tuning

opportunities with the wind down toward routine change ... a different day of the week in travel ... the giving of heaps of time ... Although I am never in the right frame of mind ... 

The thankfulness of a very different summer, arduous, excruciatingly at times a few melting moments but so enchantingly memorable on the senses I am fortunate with ...  

Never a urgency in

stirred up the memories today ... the riotous time in dust busting and revealing more of an ambiance around me.

The onus always put back on the client reminded me so as I busied myself around the areas I achieved a tiny bit in ... 

Well... One is getting on albeit a long way in doing so, for there is no one to point me in the right direction. We are after all in our own bubbles. I have no hubby now to share this burden. He was left to rot literally ... 

This today a photo taken on my now accessible kitchen counter top 

Yet again through the door .... and yes straight in the recycle with the one touch 

This would be good to have a middle aged man, or the elderly, all aged and ill, but no cute animals, babies children get the evolutionary attention ... 

Thy haphazard

way of confusional moments this weekend gone ... I achieved a lot in the various distributions ... I also had hope to get some more errands done today. I needed to slow down even more with the weekend moods and confusions. I hope to do them tomorrow now. 

I require to. The wind down for the moments missed never to be replaced time with others. The look see of property and negotiate of the logistics further along from where I am currently. The slow gumption to do it. 

The upheaval to get some semblance of my life back 

Shambles of a Friday

in a tolerant mode today ... needed to be after yesterday's burst of frustration and grunts ...the direction of the wrath at life ... 

Those websites that are useless in explaining in my mirth today,in finding my feet with more change and alters if you dare to step out the door ... 

The resist in the urge

of flinging out the window of all that irritates me or worse ... 

The soothe in the nice of such pits of despairs in these forever months 

The fact in fresh air, visual enticements, the spoils in simple of making the most of a forensic time in battles to get to a better place in some semblance of a life 

The itty bitty

bits at least for now ... the flow of ills in physical, the heed for fresh air to flush through the spills of much ... the gather of ease in not overdoing the works this week ... the look forward also to gather some belongings for a  travel by train for the first time in many seasons of a route once travelled ... and get to experience once again the views different in same and much ... 

The manage in

the pounding ache to get a charity trolley drop off, offloaded on the manic morn of a Monday on the way to visit the duty prescriber at the reopening of a doctors surgery. The weave in and out of the early morners. 

I was really feeling it by now, the irony in the timing at the start of the weekend. A day I will go with the flow ... I have the need to get rid of more. I would very much not like to waste any more time here. 

The logistics say otherwise the need in steady and slow to recuperate. The soon to be more fresh air. The stench of mould on arrival back reminds one. This is never not ever heeded. 

Another irony in the constraints in that clear not concluded in the first instance. 

And the Christmas plans in place too, now. At least the battles of not holding on to things does not happen with the person now deceased  ... It is the volume. The neglect in failing to believe my needs. And the anger of why was it left like this... One person when everyone found it overwhelming too ... 

And I think I am illogical ... 

The disjointed

... in so much around in my life current still  ... The ideas to get my head round ... the books virtual to read ... The patterns I would love to attempt ... 

The conflicts this brings ... the loss of previous works ... do I ever bother against

Making the most of this blank canvas when I get finally rid of the and these unbecoming ideals in mess muddles ...

The jigsaw of dates and years since .., The maze of a tad in a weekend with yet another infection ...

Small doses

of ruthless in the removal 

The hope for rest in recuperating for the rest of a week end 

A dramatic night sky rewarded in restlessness 

I would not have seen such a sight 

The realisation in struggles such, I do have some senses in the numbness of not a lot of good in a poorly ventilated home 

Which yesterday felt another beautiful breeze wafting through as though for the briefest moment those times in tell did not happen 

The daily in the day

to keep on top of things ... obvious easy in a system ... 

...that did not come into play then ... 

This was another place where life gave way to store ... 

Along with daily routines disappearing ... 

In the middle of much ... in the middle of removal 

The area after ... the hidden chair and carpet  removed 

The quiet in the

chill of keeping an eye on another problem persists in physical health ... The steady pace of the house ills around gets to one ... 

The time for one self on any overwhelming situation... The philosophy of my life went out the home along with all else I lost 

Minuscule

and a word in Spanish that popped in my head, sent it all into Spanish across the board ... I know I was conversing in basic Spanish over the summer, I am not that good ... I totally forgot what I was originally writing about ... now ...