In wind down mode

to step up the next stage. This too with the transition of not enough admin role work to going front of house with patients. This is more role demanding.  I rather my patience stick it out. The only way to do it sometimes is to be thrown in the deep end. The sublime to ridiculously ridicule of life. 

The spout of good diets in these environments hard to administer when you see what budgets in the public sector give you to work with ... I think Florence Nightingale strategies to put in place when my life at home back in order ? 

At least my networking means many opportunities opening up here in years to come here or where a circle of people are anticipating the transition of myself to another trust ... the idea of one to one care of those that have it in hospital and at home. The home for what people used to call and probably still next door to Mum .... the long term neighbours moved and they divided the home into flats for supported living for those that sometimes now get aborted at birth ... and the Personal assistant care like me daughter or Pallative care ... I shall see how I adapt to front of house. 

I am used to one person in more recent times ... now again it is many needs ... I have felt at ease with the company of  just sitting with people. I have kept company with various needs of patients who are lonely and or stressed on the mixed wards in this high turnover unit... the stress heightened for they are waiting to go back to care / home or the specific ward !!' 

Shattery and shredded

moonlight. the longest day and much; the time that past in disdain still haunts me, from the news waves in the treatment of humans in evacuation. Evacuation as raw like the day it happened to me. 

It is not the first time evacuating from the home. It happened too living on a river from the nineties to the noughties. It dried up in the summer we moved in ... by the millennium it was constant flood alerts to the times almost with just barely mms to go before it receded ... 

In my abode the earth shattering echoes of time left scarred ... the normal functions free flowing until I dip back in the past ... a restful day ... then another attempt ... of many dips in various time zones too, .... of the continued deaths and other circumstances that followed of very key people and events  in a life ... 

Finish the arduous tasks

started today over this week ... one chips away when it is difficult after a difficult nights in days. The sense in a day in days of challenging tasks that rears its horrific side time and again. 

The day end to ensure rest somehow. The mind is not too clear today. I need to gear up for in a fortnight we need to be tossing quickly and make use of time efficient ... 

?

why o why ... Reactions ... of council .. neglect ... Out reach ... it all happened here (as in my circumstances)  ... as standard to rush aid abroad in events like a well oiled machine .... what happened here in the capital for en masse horror ? 

Minutes out of the past

again today ... when I slip ... I really slide ... I have a few weeks left to tidy back. This enables space for a few to assist awhile. The plans in motion to get through the mid June celebrations amid these last two weeks of so many really personal times with a spouse no longer to share physical with ... 

Time is a commodity that is scarce. It is easy to see this currently with reactions to all things newsy when bad happens ... the overwhelming stuff donated to those made homeless in London this week alone.. The purpose that actually there are homeless all about ... The project management in getting the enmasse basics directed at all not the few .. the coordination needed to pass on the overflows to the Red Cross, the Salvation Army and other places who always need this type of donation 

Sleeping bags and blankets were needed last winter in Bristol is only a minuscule... action in time means more than words and commodities .. the lack of continuity in life all around ... 

 I cannot bear to see... this happened personally ... whilst you appreciate it ... sometimes it is too much ...to cope with ...  

.... Several cousins saw this and assisted in time given!!! The way my hobbies have changed in evolving to other ways ... in ideas like pet sitting .... befriending which was not actioned in early days etc etc ... 

It took two years to give time in an acute setting ... I have given it time. I have not been utilised fully yet ... now I am finally in situ  ... a chat with the refreshment staff in this knowledge ... the first of many used to volunteers on the unit I am on ...  the learning we are all doing together... 

More simmers in summers days

shimmers and slivers of sadness for others ... the reunited with photos chronologically in automated. The whimper days in silence. A daughter and I spent much time in her study days early at uni.  Her one major bereavement each year of study in a roundabout way. She still took time out to make new memories in and around the capital city of a country we reside in. The rail miles to be with me. I have since travelled the rail miles finally getting acquainted with her area ... 

The photos slowly coming back in view from the dark recess of a time misty and murky yet full of vibrancy in life again ... now we were free of the restraints of those psychologically challenged days ... 

Riveting restfulness

The rest before a massive restoration
2017 

the slow day of a weeks end. The muster in strength now to be ready soon for a difference. The days better in structure to cope. The struggles with the pace ...

📌

The hope to be better equipped this time around. 

📍

Then it will be ... where do I get to from here? 

New papers fluttering

into the abode via induction time. A very nerve tingling few months. The Matron of a ward and staff giving a warm welcome. 

A lot to take in. I am appreciative of doing it this way, in giving time. A sister, (not a nurse) my sister props me up in this and these emotions it stirs up. The last two days very emotive for various reasons. The challenge in the challenging really diverse ... and no one back home to share the news verbally ... Though the last things on the usual days, it is nice to come home and just switch off the outside world. 

The many people like I have witnessed in confronting situations whilst sat in many public places. The aftermath in which a person with a disorder, going over the same conversation they had with that someone again and again. They continue to mutter on and go over the scenario over and over. 

However after a restorative transition tomorrow in back to the removal of the unnecessary... The remember where I was, in picking up from where I left off to continue again on myself ..

This month in to

next will dent some time. That if it goes to plan and falls in place ... The collation or clearance stepped up. It is still slow. A random chat and time in good housekeeping areas of life assisting beyond thought and action .. realising much in my going around in circles. 

The month of May last  to this May astonishing in what has been achieved already 

   

The peak and

vales of a life in pictures. I have been astonished at the grappling of life after death. It is therapeutic in a funny kinda of way to keep seeing new images lost in time. The fascination with a Dyson fan on an oncology ward. A maritime museum visit. The trips, walks and all kind of manners in a wobbly recovery start again. The court blazoned letters still getting with agencies not in coordination with the facts ... a cousins words in no uncertain terms to be harassed in this way after such a horrible anus situation  ... 

The irony of being in temporary housing at the time. And the threatened court action in eviction to out me out the home I was not even in then .... the crisis team ( no sign of the continued package of a care to remove the extensive excesses of the one now gone, but the environment still there of Mental health area of care ! The pass the buck legacy!) of the time still wading through all the necessary to overhaul an overwhelmingly ridiculous time of the wrong decisions time and again by the certain agencies who so failed a life of a man ... 

You get those pesky letters of bureaucracy at the best of time, the passing the buck, in those darkest days the misguidance beyond ridiculous... 

I had so much grief you couldn't write a suitable tragic tale out of the disbelief of those around me that bothered in that could you believe did that all really happen !