The Friday

catch up ...after the Wednesday before

Reminding those that time in their eyes is not the same as in mine .... and they also know thy are under a law themselves ... 

It will be taken to another level even some have fallen by the way ... when it is not them ... they do not look back as they leave .... 

The silence speaks more than words ... 

Only just

... finished this day 

Two points of fact ...

We work harder than some think ... and the day is more drawn out ...

Those who think we do not answer doors or engage ... we are in our coping mechanisms as proven today ... 

I turn the door entry system off whilst I deal with this here in peace 

WHen interrupting

In my time ... the focus hard to regain ..

I now require to face where I left off when the mis  diaries of others intertwined my dilemmas that others do not see ...

Especially of an evening anticipated of more ease in wind down to be with others soon .... 

At least the space created gives an incentive ? Though presently it does not feel like it 

A little bit

of extra gutting out of an area ...  today and my .... what space created again ...!

It was not without a fright in see ... the rot continues on from that time ... 

 The disturbance of an appointment I stayed in all Monday morning turned up this day.. it was only by chance I heard the light tap on the door ... I had turned off the door entry, which I do when dealing with quandaries ...

 I was on my way out to catch the charity shops. Some close early for various reasons ...

I am now behind schedule to finish before the evening... The turbulence of the area is on my sleeping quarters  ... 

I require to get in my bed ... I do not let the clutter disturb the access to all functions ever again ... 

The way the home is it still bothers me so ... 

The days difficult ... today even more so ... 

The clear in the air

... air in the clear ...

The wonder whilst I pack down is amazing in the quandaries ... it is still difficult to focus ... the impatient in good mode apparent... 

The times I nearly cave in ... not so ... 

Pretty much

fundamental basics to live presently ... the absent turn up of appointments to fit regulations in homes we all have where non attendees

 After the time in and a no show within allotted time, went on an errand for some milk etc

I am now settling in for a movie, a good meal meal

I will do some tidy in normal later 

It has been a long day and it was a nuisance to have the appointments as it 'twas in wind await to see 

At close of day smother customer service communications

Difficult November into December

... I nearly passed out in the night ... 

I might just postpone the trip North ... I am letting it settle into the weekend ... I have been thrown a lot in this time ... and people just don't get it this far along ... 

The silent in the struggle ... 

I had a stream of nosebleeds last time I was left floating in the Spring of 2014 ... I had blood everywhere... 

This time I expected it considering the age of the next one ... 

I see what this afternoon brings ... I might just get back into clearing ... The moods many and every which way ... another thing not got 

The straddle in the pain across time on ... is all this worth it ? 

Another settle

in restless...  thankfully... 

The preps well under way in wind down mode 

The wonder have I left enough time in these quandaries with much in tandem new in new and striding out a tad in self empowerment... 

The forms, forms, forms, the due process in many procedures undertaken ... 

The entanglement on hold for a while ... the 🏡 options and clear in the new year ... 

The rest in a day of much emotional tangles with triggers everywhere I step out ... 

The season of goodwill that was not in a time before ... 

Another step transitional ...

... a week start on Monday with phoning and dealing with the paraphernalia of a continued application... . a very patient official in line trained ... the gather of supporting evidence ... The application notified by text alerts to keep one updated ... the await of those lengthy forms ... 

A bit of detective work to find out what I had an inkling of .... And yesterday a massive time in attempts to step out much different in old in new ... 

This will give a heads on for my impending move ... 

Today the walk out with a picnic to sit by one of the many resting areas as one gets mid way through the. Cycle of life ... this one being the very closest to my heart ...

A little earlier than original ... one needs a breathe of crisp fresh air to blow out the decrepit ...  

Foggy Focus

either my device is acting strange or I am posting illogically on the wrong log ...

The getting in gear from retrieve in remove to put in place a December in forward of much difference. 

It looks like time to rest back a bit. I am all tangled in rangles, and when you excercise hard the body is supposed to recuperate. The same for the mind. I need to give it some more fun. The time on rising up in the willies of a morning in trembles of the wrong kind .... 

I make many mistakes... not least in living again ... 

I just cannot get my head around understanding in times loaded with much. The obvious eludes me. Yet the two way loaded sentences flow out like a piece of cake ...! 

...Back in and to it ...

the requirement after normal environments soon ... on returning and stepping back in here, it will not feel too bad ... 

I can see the slow turnaround. Others will see it different.The feel in some semblance of workable space after pulling out the deep within ...  

Another charity drop off today .... but first it will be interesting how far I get by 9am ... and whether I can span two rooms ... and do the general clean and tidy in the other functions ... 

And then the next two days are pretty much similar. The hopes by week end to get in the mindset of including a day a week again doing something completely different .... 

And packing up for a little adventure of more activities normal in busman stays with various families ....

A mid week special

for a move day long ago ... not just a normal move day ... a day a country girl became a city one for a few years before settling in Kent. 

The rich heritage that I have enjoyed with family, friends acquaintances alike. I was treated well. The gifts showered in appreciation... a very special time ... 

The chalk and cheese in life. The respect you 'ave when you do well. The disdain when you are done on your luck ... !!!! 

Decision Making

...on the paper flutter clutter ...

will be easier on all those training taster notes, the rolling info in this returning to life! When this transition unfolds into more of the forays into a vocation! The not be hasty. The key info needed. 

The other correspondence from a cousins assistance.I will probably not revisit that time Now? Like with our deceased Dads correspondence with them in that time, it went in the disposal bundle to remove. My cousin stepped in when Dad was having that treatment that goes with fighting the Cancer invading. I had my correspondence. Dad had his, which we revisited in its disposal, on starting to clear his office out. 

Double whammy! 

Some Semblance

of further ordered restored in part ... after some rest from the dizzy spells ... The head still fuzzy and needs clearing out of the stuffiness still  ... 

Grappling Confusions

today ... therefore yet again a slow ease in kind to self. I have wondered often lately ... where am I ? 

 There is a lot of change still to tackle. My sister bothered at work again. Bless her...  Thankfully the one person there ... who with her quiet listening and positivity we have from our Dad ... 

The sleeping arena

in the long haul ... In the world of type ...

I am still being ruthless with the housekeep of the inbox 

With a device change in the most up to date of my devices, I now have countless unauthorised or not authentic communications ...the logic escapes me ...I have not had much junk escape through on the previous system. It was smoothly automated and filtered out with just the usual some escaping or mixed up, like it is ...

Another interesting time in some of the reasons why ...come further into focus in this progress how security conscious it actually is and is what it boasts. 

Whilst unsubscribing one not done before ...it was not as simple as the others ... 

I was definitely introduced to a good communications system on my debut into this world with one device  ... and I still miss it in part ... although this syncs a lot easier with more simplicity... the security is not always on par ...

A Monday

in moods afar ... The change in much.  The where do I belong. The recent alter reminding me that we never see the full picture. 

The timely triggers. The combat that I know the bigger step with newness each day makes me feel in quandaries beyond understanding in sometimes patronise from some ... 

The biggest though is continuing on and the learn that when I live among a death scene here. I will be able to live anywhere ... 

The echoes of time all round in the world wars. The conflicts scars in an area born that was bombarded in the war. When Mum was born in a home during the war shaken by nearby bombings is amazing in itself ... that we are here today ... 

A timely thought at poppy red time of November ... 

The wade

through in keeping at it ...

In chunks that new times evolve, brings to live when deal with the death of life here! The keep in mind that festivals with others in coming together with my various wider and core family And the new family who have embraced me up North. 

Life Tatters

to life scattered

and the piece together ... the growing replacements in life different The enhanced ways of adjusting paperwork without typing it all out every time ... 

Time in as planned

with a twist and spiral of emotions and a lot of adjustments going into the next day's  ... Thankful for a slight acknowledgement my diagnosis is a tad more than just Depression. A label too easy put on when palmed off ... 

A mass tidy up

Experimenting again with dictation and it is understanding my Cornish accent when I'm tired!  My eyes are having a rest, while I'm in the bath. 

I've done a bit of cleaning. And when I'm finished in here, in the scents of my man. I will be tidying away, ready to go out and get the fresh ingredients for baking. 

... if I don't fall asleep in the bath!

Track in Time

the organisational preparations for a forthcoming foray into the voluntary world expanded on from what I have done... and hope to do later in December. 

I collated all the paperwork items needed for ID and selling myself that I have kept track of in the constant shift in removal and change. And now to keep track of the bag ready in preps I will use on the day I trek out to attempt this new phase. 

Until then my mind back on implementing and improving the home environment... And some much needed rest from the drain on my brain resources. This tiring catch up on an extended time away from life in general ... 

Another wad

of pesky forms to invade my life to integrate back in the rat race ... 

A weekend of form filling ... the print off from the email and the form to arrive in the post ... 

And then back to it ... next week in the trawl of clutter busting .... 

Today I require back tracking to emails of importance; when I did not think life was important. The replacement of qualified education certificates that were destroyed. The CV assistance. The original saga for this position offered etc etc ... the data ... The adjustment of time lost but so too the long, long waiting list ... 

And if it doesn't sit right there are many other options and I did attempt again ... 

At least I have my new qualification certificates ... I kept track of ... That is indeed a start ... 

Despite the pits

I fall in and out of ... I remain semi focused on life now ... 

I am looking to a difference in room and space and life in general ... I will be off on me travels again. I have been in a flutter of papers ... 

The days in concentration depends on how swift, how in release that it goes and so forth. I have planned for the forgotten items. The requirement to get my Meds and protein replenished. I hope to get done tomorrow...  

I am not always getting it right. I do have more belief in myself of late. Though I get dented a lot ... 

Today in Tomorrow

ahead in pre-cook of one ingredient for a recipe, in the loops of thine in time rested after the haul ... The more control of what is in the food a little ... especially after a takeaway treat ... 

The reverse in treat ... after time denied in my own kitchen ... 

Extremely

dizzy ... today ... I had a day off from the clutter surround with time for a Tuesday treat for one ... the feet up. Though not before the usual clean and tidy with some laundry done...

Attempt another go after some air in a walk and a shop for milk etc ...

A bit of ease

following the turmoils of shift in mood troubling removal. The time to spend on the well being in this contradiction of life in times aghast and glory. The eager in getting this phase in situ. The well aware of overtiredness.. 

Daylight filters in the dawn. The staggered rest not ensuring completeness in restoring the recharge for the arduous task in this time ... 

The Day in manageable ...

the day in not tripping over stuff in sort...

As is ... it is best to approach and appreciate the best one can be in this. At least the shopping trolley amounts are contained within. 

And getting those segments done in a fraction. The not feeling overwhelmed with this overwhelming paraphernalia ... 

The overall grand plans on overhaul 

The use of tops of places in the overstuff to maximise the way through. 

A daughters logic ... the one who knows best the hassle in daily functions lost in time while this is in transition. The one too in eagerness of progress. Their beaming felt through the communications that before retirement age and beyond it is not too late to get back on the gravy train not, that killed hubby ... The more sedate way in vocation ....

In the meantime the clear path through in the manage

11amish

The haul of more alternative changeabout in tiny part

11:30

In grateful receipt of the disappearing refuse and recycle we have delivered every 20 weeks
They delivered last weeks quota only I happen to notice in the neighbourhood
I sent an email explaining this quandary
The prompt redelivery this morning


The frustrating fun in dust and webs this morning far. A break now to cook up some dishes, and enjoy the day in festivities of my own choosing?  I probably be dusting off, and dipping back in the alter and getting waylaid along the way ... A lunch by film for now. This takes the excess of this away from task in hand. This aids the mind in overwhelm. 

The change in each alter

Again today, I had to get used to where things are and been put. And not chase my own shadow ... 

The use for

something not used, when it is gone ... will be the scenario still for a while. The help and heed in this time where too much overtakes that ... 

I have lived without so much in the chaos. Into the now too. I have had a ruthless adapt without my favourite things in the interim.

The start anew. A different frame of life. And with a different style. 

Those who have memories on their time lines in social media ... that is my history gap in definition! 

Family to Duo to Single

mode ... after more outing of stuff ... the more of the thinning out on lifestyle choice... The decision to move on from entertaining to those of moving around more ... This will probably evolve more in time.. for now the removal ... 

In part it is clearing the reminders out too 

I feel a relaxing bath is required now.  It can still be dusty this part in stage of the kitchen. And the fact I had a peek at how to approach other dusty parts too  ...  in the other areas of the home ... 

Every emotion

stirred ... on a weekend morning a ray of relief in tiny particles of just another sack of stuff removed ... my odd hours in keeping the movement in the right direction in that unspeakable removal; despite the aggressive mood sways ... 

Twilight zone

no mans land ... this time from then to time in now is a humongous difference... The rip out of more silliness in droves quiet in slow shift in time 

The time for

some action on the rethink in plans over the seasons to come ... in the meantime a sister and the young ones love in consistent while I plod along. 

The settle in. The tidy in the days. The relief when I face it. Now for some good ol' English comforts for a week end in celebration for not hanging out in a cold country. And disappearing ... 

The coming through some more lower than low times ... 

Further food

for my own freezer in preparation for those times when busy in the forays of others mess clearing. The time in fast track some days, but still a nutritional hot meal on the menu ... 

The time over days in making meals for two or more, and putting a portion or few in the freezer. The secrets of not only cooking for one again... but to lead a better quality life after this indigestion of time in others mismanagement of care for me alone to deal ...  is through...  

Food for thought

soup kitchens, Hearvest, Seasonsl meals and food banks etc ... all have their place. The nutritional value of food banks can be limited. And of course the various dietary requirements needed. The growing children, the aged bones and all in between ... 

A wider thought of how this comes to happen. The belief it cannot happen in this country. Our aged population is not always revered as with other cultures. And even Esther Rantzen has commented on how lonely it is. 

This leads on to all those shindigs we put on for various people as happens in the communities. The words we used once now outdated. The interaction and food at the same time. 

The props and preps

for a more ambient sleep ... I find this home aggravates my nightly sweats. And the keeping on top of the daily .... I think perhaps this transition needs to speed up. When the warmer season comes there  should theoretically me more pairs of hands. That gives me time to get used to more dimensionals in loss with stress feelings it flares and triggers ... 

And the eventuality too of the room being paid to be done.  

My family understand the dilemmas a tad ... 

And a daughter understands about her belongings and attachments. I to do what I do to rid of it... 

We both struggle in parts 

The rich history

that opens up in the archives of a home and the personalities history... A fascinating journey if minded to. 

As it is ... I am looking in the forward mode. The time beyond this time. I do not mither. I adore the days in peace alternate from not hearing the others mithers too. 

This time in none or no one now spoiling the mood. And when an irritation drops through. It is put in slots of implementing importance or not ... 

And then back to it. Once the mind is set nothing gets in the way. The time in making up at the top of the to dos ... 

The ongoing

Challenge in difficult ... I swift move through, go around in circles. The repetitiveness does not ease the burden . The enlightenment of time in air lifting the trauma set in time stood still, does a tad. Then the quandary of moods diverts one off track ... 

... somehow I will get back more of this freedom of constraint again ...  

Attempt in focus

of negativity into better vibes... 

When I am not so snowed underfed myself ... the thoughts of other requiring a bit of respite. 

Where yes the smells are difficult. the moods worse and do gooders trying to help them.! 

Especially of the religious distribution of good ideas with out the force upon, 

what some are too proud to accept no matter what dilemma they are in ! 

And the gentle ease of those who push away .... 

In time of effort

the mind struggles with logic and worths 

A lit lot of sound triggers on a Sunday ... 

It took one to a different level 

At times in flurries of time stopping 

A deifinitive day in dilemmas dark back in light. My head lightheaded from physical elements. The attempt to rest. The chance for the body to recover from the burdens in surround. I always have a purpose. The different challenges in getting there. I do hope I get to make seasonal soup! It is the bother of method and mess. The taste is more sensational made fresh when the kitchen is not shattered too. 

Stash sort in better

when it is the stuff that I like ... naturally. A pleasant tidy in sift to disperse the continuing flow. The way I am condensing what I see in the next home. In the meantime to make it function more pleasing on the vision ... 

The space and furniture in thinning out. The way forward originally in massive movement in the room layouts I had before the batch of everyone coming to me about this that and t'other 

A OMG!

scenario 

in a room on waking tomorrow... I just rid some more of hubby bobs in bits. All tossed in the bin. And the reopening of old wounds in tackling areas that need more care and scattered across the kitchen ... 

The task tomorrow to clear it for a relaxing mode of hours over a week end, of another week in more scavenging through time ... 

Back to Back

movies, the new, new entertaining ways to amuse thyself. The letting off steam in all rooms, not just the usually steamy ones. And the dumber out of the smart devices. The health. The goals attaining and not letting it rest on laurels. The step on to and into the next. The not spitting and hissing on thy butt. The movement in all aspects of thy time in life. The challenges swinging. The silent din dinging.  

On moving into the outside world 

The orient express passing by my home.  The buildings coming down. The many road works in winter to come.  The decadent stores in twinkles of all things Hallow and further on to the excesses of I want.... Time to be challenged by those in need not want !!!  

. 

Only a tweeny taste of the dismay in sway and out of ... and into here. 

Another bout of

removal ready to disperse and dispersed. This seem to happen when I rest. And the preparation in the readiness of how I attempt to do it! for the next stage. And I completely got rid of something from the  time before that was not removed en masse. 

The getting back to the foundations and put in use now instead, is this attempt in the muddle ... 

A complete wipe out tonight. 

The clank of the nearby

scaffold pole business earlier for the day, either means it is a Friday or shorter days acoming.

The progress through a week back, after time in using the good functions of a home in ease. This transitional stage beyond just moving for decor or moving house ... it was lovely to use drawers and cupboards and wardrobes. I still at times remember I have them, now.

The mess of one, is not another ... The messy people versus the hoarders is a complex different kettle of fish ...

The worries of a daughter, if even her car is messy. We both had to clamber about so much. It sounds ridiculous to relay it ... 

Side Tracked

with the glitches in tech and myself ... I achieved it all by now ... it has been a long wind in day ... The time I allow for such glitches that will no doubt occur in the attempt in much or other. And I did it myself. No one knows of those frustrations yet. The untangle of the past to get the future in love of that that ticks my boxes and not others ... 

I could almost divulge in this period of life in abandonement 

In the angst; I have discovered beyond and learnt so much. The carefree in the invisible ties that link in from the list time 

Tied up in

tangles

I have always detested the cables of electricity

I was most pleased when and now in the minimal world I attempt until the signal fades. They can not be good for us. The travels where the turbines and fields and homes with solar panels to harness nature not far from these mobile masts in abundance appearing for our thirst fo a hand held, one in four now have a smartphone ... 

I love Cornwall for the harness of nature and other places too and for the way other towns collect rubbish. My county is quite antiquated in green power. Or should I say in my vincinty I have not seen a solar powered bus stop here yet! ... Like I did in Truro !

Bringing a smile

to our lips ... the medical clutter up of my health with those now age or our particular bits ... due round either first time or once again ... 

... or in my instance stacked up ...

Today was a breast screening in those mobile units that are much valued. I had a scan in my other region last Year. And the dental ones. 

A case of which end which when it came to ' Open Wide' ! 

I am attempting in catch up alone; the assistance never understood on a thorough health check post crisis rather lacking ... besides the fact of incorporating it in my supposedly self neglect time and personal care 

I nearly missed it. The envelope the appointment came in was a very generic over busy envelope ...At least the hospital appointments are more clarified... 

The home

took my focus ... however I eventually went out to top up and get emergency supplies in for the next bout of not leaving the home ... 

I slapped together some comforting warming food and steamed myself in the bath awhile ... 

Tasks in home versus

Tasks outside

The jiggle jiggle juggle of a new week in anticipation of solutions to many projects in problems .. my network still not fully functional from swapping the sim ... 

A kitchen drawer in time zone,  I find difficult to deal with and ideas from mid week in moving a chair bed and a hidden desk ... and various tasks in a spray paint on a patch of wall etc 

Monday and Tuesday with various tasks of appointments and meetings in update. And getting to the nearest network shop in a familiar place ... 

Tomorrow is a breast screening which I finally received when you approach a certain age. I have already had the experience of these in my own requirements of biopsies etc.  

A period of anxious time which is good to keep occupied in the wait on outcome of this. The experience of a Mum and others in a Masectomy shows the reason for the concern in limbo on this screening ... 

A rest in

acclimatise with general solutions to concerns with the past present and future in inter mingle and for reference ... 

In no particular order

• Wifi 
• Windows and its dressing 
• Damp proof 
• Radiators 
• Access for new bathroom review 
• Awaiting items to the North 
• Removal of large items ... 

1. To charity 
2. For rubbish safe disoposal 

• Slow regular remove of carriable items 
• Regular onslaught on side by side past with now routines 
• Plenty rest fresh air and movement 
• Continue the refreshing space made in areas .. already 
• Such as 

1. Kitchen counters 
2. Window wall of kitchen 
3. Old style lotions and potions in ambience back in bathroom 
4. Soothe in storage cupboards 
5. And the sleep space area 

• Back in style of old with new tech available to use 
• Paperwork 
• Budgets 
• Health 
• Breast screening .., finally had the after 50 appointment ... vital for approaching age of Mum mastectomy .. already experienced this  .. anyway for own biopsy .. (had beautiful care and one butcher of a doctor on a meat slab experience... fortunately had hubby and a brilliant nurse at that time who rectified the dignity and she held my hand ... the tender touch of the many lovely medical care profession we fortunately do have despite stresses of the vocation) 
• Cervical Smear 
• Ear check 
• Dental work and again check up due 
• Eye check 
• Hearing Test 
• Fifty MOT 
• This only a tad in catch up with usual check up with dilemmas exacerbated by lack of healthcare a while 

This is a tiny touch of what I face in this transition 

A better structure

in getting the gumption to ... and of getting to see beyond my place ... beyond the four walls and a ceiling I was pushed out of into a strange environment of temporary accommodation in social housing ... 

How in a crisis there can be ... a solution eventually ... too late for one human being ... Just in time for another ... 

The strike out into these strange familiar environments again ... very different in outlook ... the days in conflict of vibrant or a dark shadowy mist, mood dependable on vairients id feelings ... 

The capture in words and images 

A very bemused family ... in this strike out ... from the shadows of forgotten and lost in time ... 

.. Another few hours ...

.. yet more declutter ... 

this time again of a deceased Dad ... the removal more of stuff in a garage ... assisting Mum in the slow remove here in Kernow ... a skip is a thought ... the normal solutions in a clear of organised chaos ... not the chaos, chaos I face ... we both getting used to others removals in bulky items too ... the reliance on ourselves, while we can ... 

The housekeeping on the virtual this afternoon on those devices too. This in due timetable inserted into my life different. The knowledge of the amount in storage easier to keep track of !?? losing it in space like the black hole ...  hanging in limbo in the cloud etc ... instead of under my feet ..!!!

... look back forward ...

... a garden centre or nursery.. 

time by water vessels in different ...

and slipping back into environments ... still with destiny slight off course ...

a warm day in the sun ... the thoughts never far, but far, far away of task in hand to attempt in the offering ... 

... a stately bathroom ... 

where once in light step, of the fresh in fury to the heave in burden ... the simples even more in life after death brushed my own course off kilter ...

and the smell of others rot. and cars adapted for outings where once consigned to iron lungs and other ways of living ... 

I have since met many and much, once again after the death that took a hubby ... of the minority now enjoying what we can take for granted when it can easily be different ...

The adjust in transformative ...

time in this county ... This current time continues on with the shopping that one requires to do ... The beautiful bakers with much more enticing displays of food in better packaging than in the supermarket... 

The pennies more on items ... the worth in design and produce fresher ... 

And unfortunately I will be using the other methods of shopping to feel not too alienated from time in the fast lane ... to the dreckly time forthcoming in eventually clearance one day long in coming ... 

The hope in

continuing the slog of removal with change and alignment ... another month start in rest and recuperation with a tad of a busmans holiday ... A Mum in notice of my dilemmas in determining a path through and out ... 

This valued time in catch up with family lost in time; when with another in blues untrue and horrific ... 

sitting in the room

with the warmth of the afternoon sun. This, just as we did on a different part of the day back at home once upon a time long ago, when things were as I had them to enjoy a sunny room ... The close of curtains for the glare of the time recent in Crewe too, for another, who moans cos not been in that position... 

Me ... I am sitting direct in the rays soaking up the experience of a little time in this sunny glow in brilliance and shine  ... and knitting ... 

... Displace ... Guilty ...

... Disassembled ... disassociate and a reason for living ... and the many irritation in the words said passed ... commented and in silent ... 

Transference ... the ignoring ... the wonders in down and dirty in decay mould dust and particles of a still problematic time ... 

The next lot of paperwork still linger in the air as those that pass are now gone ... The way forward and back to the side and up and down in the next few years in this ... The days of utter rapture and despair ... One day too late will the belief in time gone ... 

Things only get done in death ... fact in time ... only some know once you are gone ... you are gone ... 

The reverse in prevention in cure ... 

One cannot

get away from home life style .. a visit to a gentry home with masses of people traipsing around. The chats with guides. The history of the hierarchy of a massive home. The nosy around of kitchens, the estate office, the nursery, the school room, the hobbies, the dining. 

The servant quarters, the sluice room and more. 

A walk around the gardens. The renovations taking place in the upkeep the visits keep in supply to maintain

A delicious cake with a gorgeous cup of tea in huge tea cups. It felt a bit like the mad hatters tea party ..  

A Cornish coastal

coffee ...  a reminder that we were in palmy Newquay ... no traditional fare of the coast. 

The thoughts never far from the attempt in plans. Another fruitful time further on in the stale air of decay ...

The anti climatic tasks on return into the silent rumbles in clear of a life once impeded ... 

In the meantime a sister in supportive mode of a first visit back to a coast not seen since that time ... the space again to take in the fresh views of old in modern in solace, silent and stunning in spectacular to see a once often familiar sight ... by foot and on wheels ... 

Away from ...

... the abode for a time with others. This occasion with my family in Cornwall. The travel by rail. We were at Reading a lot quicker, for me anyway, until this trip the coach has been my mode of transport.

It is very, very strange familiar. I have not been on this service for countless seasons It is a lot more antiquated than Euston to North West of England. The reservations still on pieces of card. 

A Day from the ...

depressing...into the breeze and stillness of a September afternoon in the park via a lot of mixed memories ...

Enjoying the bounty of nature in oak and chestnut tees to name but a few... The flora and fauna of the autumnal season of harvest ... 

...time in limbo ...

... the transition into more of a time away than of late ... the request to bring the camera which I must remember to pack ... the top of Brea hill ...? A National Trust place ... ? Newquay for a sim, if mine does not arrive ... ?  A lot of transitional time in much .... I am leaving the hub, that I have used on a device, since my sister introduced and much is and has changed away ... 

A time to get used to a different way of organising all those methods of communication, we can now have on these contraptions ...

I loved the simplicity of not having to wait to log in on a desk top, it all filtered into one place ... 

And for amusement while I am away, the array of much it is all in virtual, only trouble is security and safety to wind down this part of life. And the charging.

A lot of those I know prefer the feel of physical things. My life took a different course. The yellowing papers are diminishing ...

The books replaced with quality paper if required for study, or visual on a device. 

.... Jiggle in the ....

... Wriggle 

The squirms and the giggles 

Certainly a day of mixed extreme emotions and motions in movement of the various tasks with the daily and day to day bothers at times on Friday. The slow down with the inevitable interruptions of that past shouting it's blast ... 

Complete day out

with just a bit of life errands and daily functions ... No duvet day for us ... We attempt the grasp in life 

Those hollow days past of raw grief. The time in strange environment immediately in the aftermath of the crisis that beset in time, with a daughter on those precious two of us time. The times in foetal position numb. The sit into space. The hibernation. All mixed up in suspended time...

That is when I could eventually be left alone to grieve in peace. 

Busied myself

in the kitchen. I could not settle. I attempted a triple bill of movies to rest. I have finally stopped. I rejiged things about. Again the little touches make a difference. I have culminated my habits that begone in a splurge.   

The definitive erasure of those bad habits picked up and continually bothered me after a while. There may be no papers apart from the evasive papers that come in importance. I certainly have a problem there. I need to reacquire my ways before the eventual move in time overdue by the time this is done 

Fine tuning

opportunities with the wind down toward routine change ... a different day of the week in travel ... the giving of heaps of time ... Although I am never in the right frame of mind ... 

The thankfulness of a very different summer, arduous, excruciatingly at times a few melting moments but so enchantingly memorable on the senses I am fortunate with ...  

Never a urgency in

stirred up the memories today ... the riotous time in dust busting and revealing more of an ambiance around me.

The onus always put back on the client reminded me so as I busied myself around the areas I achieved a tiny bit in ... 

Well... One is getting on albeit a long way in doing so, for there is no one to point me in the right direction. We are after all in our own bubbles. I have no hubby now to share this burden. He was left to rot literally ... 

This today a photo taken on my now accessible kitchen counter top 

Yet again through the door .... and yes straight in the recycle with the one touch 

This would be good to have a middle aged man, or the elderly, all aged and ill, but no cute animals, babies children get the evolutionary attention ... 

Thy haphazard

way of confusional moments this weekend gone ... I achieved a lot in the various distributions ... I also had hope to get some more errands done today. I needed to slow down even more with the weekend moods and confusions. I hope to do them tomorrow now. 

I require to. The wind down for the moments missed never to be replaced time with others. The look see of property and negotiate of the logistics further along from where I am currently. The slow gumption to do it. 

The upheaval to get some semblance of my life back 

Shambles of a Friday

in a tolerant mode today ... needed to be after yesterday's burst of frustration and grunts ...the direction of the wrath at life ... 

Those websites that are useless in explaining in my mirth today,in finding my feet with more change and alters if you dare to step out the door ... 

The resist in the urge

of flinging out the window of all that irritates me or worse ... 

The soothe in the nice of such pits of despairs in these forever months 

The fact in fresh air, visual enticements, the spoils in simple of making the most of a forensic time in battles to get to a better place in some semblance of a life 

The itty bitty

bits at least for now ... the flow of ills in physical, the heed for fresh air to flush through the spills of much ... the gather of ease in not overdoing the works this week ... the look forward also to gather some belongings for a  travel by train for the first time in many seasons of a route once travelled ... and get to experience once again the views different in same and much ... 

The manage in

the pounding ache to get a charity trolley drop off, offloaded on the manic morn of a Monday on the way to visit the duty prescriber at the reopening of a doctors surgery. The weave in and out of the early morners. 

I was really feeling it by now, the irony in the timing at the start of the weekend. A day I will go with the flow ... I have the need to get rid of more. I would very much not like to waste any more time here. 

The logistics say otherwise the need in steady and slow to recuperate. The soon to be more fresh air. The stench of mould on arrival back reminds one. This is never not ever heeded. 

Another irony in the constraints in that clear not concluded in the first instance. 

And the Christmas plans in place too, now. At least the battles of not holding on to things does not happen with the person now deceased  ... It is the volume. The neglect in failing to believe my needs. And the anger of why was it left like this... One person when everyone found it overwhelming too ... 

And I think I am illogical ... 

The disjointed

... in so much around in my life current still  ... The ideas to get my head round ... the books virtual to read ... The patterns I would love to attempt ... 

The conflicts this brings ... the loss of previous works ... do I ever bother against

Making the most of this blank canvas when I get finally rid of the and these unbecoming ideals in mess muddles ...

The jigsaw of dates and years since .., The maze of a tad in a weekend with yet another infection ...

Small doses

of ruthless in the removal 

The hope for rest in recuperating for the rest of a week end 

A dramatic night sky rewarded in restlessness 

I would not have seen such a sight 

The realisation in struggles such, I do have some senses in the numbness of not a lot of good in a poorly ventilated home 

Which yesterday felt another beautiful breeze wafting through as though for the briefest moment those times in tell did not happen 

The daily in the day

to keep on top of things ... obvious easy in a system ... 

...that did not come into play then ... 

This was another place where life gave way to store ... 

Along with daily routines disappearing ... 

In the middle of much ... in the middle of removal 

The area after ... the hidden chair and carpet  removed 

The quiet in the

chill of keeping an eye on another problem persists in physical health ... The steady pace of the house ills around gets to one ... 

The time for one self on any overwhelming situation... The philosophy of my life went out the home along with all else I lost 

Minuscule

and a word in Spanish that popped in my head, sent it all into Spanish across the board ... I know I was conversing in basic Spanish over the summer, I am not that good ... I totally forgot what I was originally writing about ... now ... 

A year worthy in much

... a long way and still the long twisting road to continue on ... the days in little or much in moods many in varied. The way in structure and schedules alien to me. I do things in whim. That is the struggle. Tis better than thinking how do I move on ... ? 

And the periodic look at the achieve in the photo journey. This particular trawl in mid July before the leave in the gift of time. The mental note of where I was at home. A task to incorporate routines back in the life. I was discovering much in mid July. 

I have picked up a bit of that with the next batch of clean and remove. The decisions giving me much dilemma. Then the latest health antibiotics making me realise a little in much... 

Sanctuary a Sunday in a

... Monday 

I really rather just hole up these days last, however the talk with others in the recovery star days ... the requirement in working in tandem with it ...

Tomorrow time ...

after the trauma night of terrors ... the adjust accordingly... 

I spoken and seen life today 

but with a distant air ... 

The difference in delivery men 

Time not in rush today 

Yesterday was snatched and running out the door 

The modern tech keeping tabs on the amount time per task 

Stats in job performance 

Walk in local long ...

... seeing as a spark of the sporty gear back in place. I have mislaid some of my sports tops. The trouble dealing in volume from others. The times things get scooped up for removal. 

I will cope with what I have. Therapy attempt ringing in your ears ... Does it matter if you cannot find it ? Yes unless you go in your birthday suit ... then it does matter ... Tidy ways in peace for a more peaceful time, too. 

My home had lovely ways of living how I like. I am ever so slowly reclaiming it back. My way. My things that make me tick in elation. The feel again of such times finally seeping in. It would be good not to have been scarred so ... The think that since the crisis I have not heard from those in the know, who understood that type of trauma. There are others in worse situations... 

The rigid clumsy attempts before the death came ... and still continues with the minority  ... those in after the time should that never twas ... then too late in milliseconds ... 

At least my late mum in law had end days in better pleasant... I hope to, too.

Hols in splash

... the distant memory back into more a reality ... 

The road trips. When everything turns dull, I have more of a determination to work through the indescribable for the end colour to come back in thy ways. I hope to continue to achieve this weekend in context. The diversions great. The muster in much. The time back after time in gift. 

The new light

in the ambiance ... tis strange seeing change in this... I have done much today, not done in a while. The deeper recesses a tad. The very small change. 

The tatty in the time stood still. The notice each time I enter back in after climes more in better elsewhere. 

pay day

with a bank holiday... 

A day of forgetfulness sprinkled with a tad of progress. The heavy head lifting eventually. I drank plenty. I walked out. And I tidied some more past present and future out and away. The daily with the long past time stood still yuk...

I did not go out to the local bank holiday fireworks. I have had my indulge in much this summer. The focus on the future and a bit of time with my mum and sister soon on our loved ones anniversary ... And a sisters birthday...

The world out

within the world within ... striking a life where I can mull over in my time on travels lone... The fun in single, single holidays that conquer up in thoughts of those holidays ... finding what sits and suits ...  the package versus one of my choosing... the base of those online advance books of rooms and travel at a base for some exploration ... 

Over this year past much research in a pilgrimage of those missions, the calling, the volunteering, the backpacking, the Black Forest link I found of holidays with families on farms etc etc etc ... not in the immediate ... this interfaced with future vocational aspirations of where life needs most assistance in time not just money ... 

A buddy or a dog or house sitter ... so many flurries ... The find as I work through much debates dilemmas or just plain give up moments ... the more enchanting times in this summer past giving me more a tad oomph ! 

Ideas Fluncuations

possibilities and dilemmas. Destiny lines in fate. The archives. The see in after. How the mind works. The groggy. Or the wide a wonder in the wee small hours. 

The rise and

fall ... those ideas in perspective ... I have been quite aggravated ... a sisters support from a far. The listen to her recuperating stories. The work stress. At times far away today. At least I made a start daily. I pushed the boundaries of comfort to the long term gain of better. 

The path hardly smooth ...

the usual daily tidy up ... the tick over of the influx of daily mess in life... The thoughts now on some solutions while I deal with some immediate ones ... my mind coping with the transition... 

Life in two other generations homes, a friends too in the early days, the guiding light I can once again live ... 

I have not been up to visit further than my zone to others yet ... the offers many have been there ... The focus on the immediate triangle of those who know how I used to tick ... 

Small segments

in the overwhelms? The step out of the zone in comfort ... a daily task until maybe it falls in place? 

The rest in ease

a wobbly night meant disturbed peace ... a more restful day ... The ignore of the mess around of integrating back in after time elsewhere in better enchanting recovery.

The attempt already to keep at it here. The sister who knows when I mean what I do in say. The tatters of a life in silent holdback ... the break free of invisible restraints only I see ... 

The daughter is in Wales on a work residential ... no ordinary 9-5 Mon-Fri for us. The respite that failed us we give in those vocational work to others that otherwise be lost to them .. 

We all need respite from the life expected of us. Those that have no respite in the personal behind closed doors do so too ... 

The inadequacy of life and work and more 

Thoughts ahead

Getting further to the furniture in time loops 

The paper flow never

 understood ...

I took in some once ... Or few or many ... 

On change over too ... One week different so to the other ... the gap between appointments of many and different a humongous struggle 

The time in limbo from life where I had no need to deal with Normal and usual to usual others  ... we were life wrecked beyond repair .. I could not communicate it ... It hurt too much ... 

The back in

the wrong climes ... it is like stepping back in time more ... Especially after time in more that is usual for us in our child's new home. Even though that is disjointed, this month in Summer span of days in move and change ... 

The camp style in a new home with starting from complete scratch
At least they can hang the stockings up here, in this home at Christmas 

The joys of shared moving in stories and experiences into the very first home with their fellow peers ... and colleagues etc 

The hopes

... to put in place where I was and all the flurry in fury of much on returning to the utterance of my late husband's legacy ...

I hope the solutions work in a way to suit my tattered life in repair ... 

The align back

into that space reduced still in areas ... the beneficial gift in time to a child setting up home for the families encourage in spirit that it can be done. The difficult known in my millisecond struggles of undiagnosed deep dips of euphoria to the deepest dismal peaks down in depths of that precipice entice to ease the indescribable pain 

A more restful

away from the legacy left of unnecessary for a tad ... the response in the see of the mighty task left me ... 

the continue on in some bedding luxury to the senses and those things only my Dad realised I needed for a more creative life ... 

The spoils of basic in walking in shoes and clothes better to laying down to rest and all the in between ...

The quiet in the background of helping others ... 

And much more inspired on a journey to Cheshire East to another railway town people do not speak highly of ... the hidden gems in an area and in my creative recovery of the senses ... 

And the banter with locals ... I found a gem ...them !

The stench

of stagnant water mixed with cat litter in a recycle wheelie  ... it is not for me to say how others live ... I have an inkling that work came first and the home last ... my sister would smile with me in this irony of irony ... in how I came io live ... 

The amount of coins staples paper clips decorations and other paraphernalia tucked in the edges of the hard flooring cornice thingy in this new home ... the layers of life remnants gives me clues of Through the keyhole ... the more than the wear and tear of dust and grime ... 

This in scrubbing a life past for life new of my daughters new home ... We both not good with the mess this brings ... this the gift of time to ease this time the best way ... We see fit in our way and time ... It is what she wanted ... new builds have their own dilemmas ... 

A therapy in togetherness

a bond beyond 

These new beginnings in what we had once 

Space in life to grow in less stress times 

A change in environmental

the fathom in getting on with things in a new environment... It will be a challenge.. I have settled in to a journey I only hope I am on the right train ... I sailed off in my mind on the tube train deep underground im London ... I came too before I missed my stop ... 

it is more of the usual tasks within a home for a while.  A change it will be 

All the while

I am immersed in much to reduce to dissipate ... I have converted much to the device my sister introduced me in the recuperating months since the deep impact ... 

It is an aid in more than communicating, playing games, listening to music, creating, recipes and blogging ... 

It is a world immersed in the past and future. The recovery of photos albeit with a gap of my own view through the lens. The future works in plan, on this tablet. 

And I have been playing many songs old and new ... And although not the same as my keyboard. The fact of being in time with music when my mind is aflutter and far away at moments in holes of time ... It is therapeutic and amazing ... especially in the quiet when life fell silent for many, many days.

The first three months with no TV or music ... the attempts of my sister ... to do a top twenty of our songs for an MP3 to get me back on track ... took a long while ... 

Focus on the cool

in anticipation ... of the sizzle of the summer days ... I have put my inner resources into nice things and that still transpires into a tidy in itself ... the more of a find in me ... too ... 

I do the light duty tasks in those moments I struggle... the new dilemma appearing in the physical side of the health ... the air is not good in this triangle of land I live in ... the squelter and the wind stream hangs invisible pollution I can smell but not see ... we enquired about this before ... 

It is good to attempt to vary the air around ... 

The plod in slow

a little easier with the heat of the season. On time back in this month, I have plodded with the housekeep in cool. The going up to the North of England for the first time again, in the peak of movement season as I did at Christmas. All tasks set to get in the environment more. This occasion to see the new home, and not this coming Monday's graduation day now 

This to enjoy life amore, after life in set back ... It has certainly been a yo yo in this time ... 

Housekeeping ...

ready for the influx in the new adventures of expanding my knowledge. The confines within those devices a sister introduced me too. My learnings for the operating system more common in vocational. 

Again the slight difference from the norm in what I do. It is again with two self publishing platforms. A mixture of the two would be lovely. The expansion of what is commercially or commonly viable. The design limitations. Although beautiful, it does not always tick my box in ways simple, yet it does. I loved the books with those quality papers. The ones that do not yellow, like those pesky newspaper mountains I eventually gave up on. 

Only today the thoughts on the freedom of those very papers. My daughter respectful, along with her boyfriend of not bringing newspapers across this threshold. 

A little bit of what ya fancy ..

... the food in French with a bit of Mediterranean too, this day ... the seasonal food, I have missed a tad  yet again ... I made an effort to try something new again ... 

... that for little food, in from the store, The adjusted way of much less waste. This food stored in a much better way, far on from the early days,  of all adjustments in the food into the home ... 

I have really been pulling in the budget too, living by the offers more again. The product placements and the shelf move arounds annoying . I like to spend the minimum amount of time in the false environments now, these recovery days. I have better things to do with the time ... 

I used to like shopping.... not so now.... 

Usual in unusual

...the clean ... the periodic ... those forms ... the updates ... the dust that crumbles in all that was shook up in the forgotten ... 

Revisional ...

... my own cousin who walked alongside for that tragic restructuring in the aftermath, in contact where my core family dealing with the shock they thought it would be Dad who at the time in treatment for cancer, not their son in law 

 ... the eventual look back on the revise, those struggles he too had with it all ... the impact on his knowledge already in that sector of support ... 

I too took a lot from his wider knowledge of the life and times in mental health in more ... 

Thankful for some

in this time ... the stir of memories much ... 

the romance, the rough, the rubbishy and the rubble left to pick up ... I really could do with Harry Potters wand ... 

The thoughts in those immediate days after ... here and there ... The strength in not acting it out and in sleep walking ... 

days in disharmony

to the difference in diligence ... 

diversity in dilemma ... duty in discord ... the beauty in the videos of brief recordings of time in a vale and estuary with coves and magic of times now and gone ... 

the natural sounds of water of a river in stream, the wind, the bird song. A little of the chimes captured in candid moments ... all reminders while I sift or upload to you tube of times in terrible to this fantastical time of discovery in both the new and new; and the new in the old ...

The skills are being honed

again from the old ways of cleaning, removing stains, recipes and simply just moving things around in ornamental decor ... While awaiting the fate as slow by bit I reduce life ... The bedsits on offer. The decisions continually being made... where do I go from here .... ? 

Key words in time

this is the saddest part  ... 

Words etched in print, for those who are many times taken from their work to do an investigation and conclude in part ...the time constraints of too much ... 

The volume of work too ... In the climate of complaints ... the silence in condition, constraints in communication and continuity... 

The tick over

of the fest of hiking ... I am now in a hike of the home ... for a while ....making the most of being near the city, the north and bang in the middle of where the family are spread out  .... Enjoying the time of mischief, without anyone knowing ...