I am bemused ...

by all the advice since the death ... 

You do become minimalistic ... Getting through the explanations of two homes three garages and two sheds and dealing with life ahead ... Along side and with the dying process of loved ones ... the deaths thrown in along the way ... My own illness ... 

My grief of loss of humans, of styles , of homes, of rooms, of paperwork,  and of life as mine once functioned.. And  functions 

I could just walk away ... from some I have done  which happened in those three garages ... They are gone forever ... 

And again on a mass clearance ... One done by strangers and one done more lovingly by a cousin ... 

Ideas into action ...

... On this current week in a massive change of direction of plans changed ... from life in muddles ... 

from ideas sought to thought ... to a death over Easter  ... 

The change of plan on returning home after a waterfall from the flat above ... A new hair style ... Clothes different ... Noticed by those who know the unfurling from a skin infection ... no style of clothes ... To access in all life basic functions again ... 

... to the step back in a changed world from time within walls of invisible boundaries, with another of such needs it swamped me in the understated overwhelmness of a situation, where a Mum attended her only child's funeral ... 

All leading towards a direction different ... yet again ... 

Still in awe ...

... of time spent in the start of this weeks dent in thinning out a room ... from time in the still ...

I am a bit puzzled again, where things are. That said, it feels home of old.

The illusion of space created encourages one to further reach what is behind the next batch of muddle 

I am hoping for a three day weekend. This enables time to fine tune progress thus far. And the ruthlessness of my crafts, on which I made a start, to continue ... 

As discussed with the Captain of the Salvation Army ... travel in work of doing and less material crafts I think ... 

One needs sunglasses in the ...

lounge  ... the light bouncing off the walls after time dimmed in this once airy room ... where the sunlight streams in ... in the mornings ...

The light within the home bursting forth ... 

... this in the second visual impact this year ... within this particular home ... 

Time today for

A gentle time on those senses ...

A very varied day again ... 

As yet I have not spoken or communicated with anyone ... except for the logs ... 

It is easy to do so ... 

I decided a while ago ... not to communicate generally ...  beyond the circle ... 

I do what I have to and no more ... 

The time will come ... For those I have repeatedly said ... 

And for the current easiness of tossing a death aside ... 

I will wait the next stage ... 

Already progress ... 

It is sad ... 

A letter email or few and a lot of months of unnecessary frustrations ... to get where I am now ... 

In Mourning Yet Again

Surrounded now from all that brings

• Paperwork 
• Death Certificates 
• Coffin package deals 
• Mourning leaflets 
• Song books 
• Bibles 
• Photos 
• Last outfit worn to hospital 
• Personal effects from one room that was paid by the time etc 
• Other hospital supplies 

All donated used using and stored for moving North ... The clutter here still trickling away in the long wait for the Cremation ... so the farewells can take place ... 

And the overwhelming of more items into the muddle of coming back to life different again initially ... Which those outside the circle do not know that my leisure time was non existent and the anger directed at me even on the loss of my husband and the silence now ... Again ... 

I had it from all quarters ... No one would understand for nigh on two years we were hounded relentlessly instead of assisted and the wrong and the failing of putting someone in place before abruptly leaving for training in a time of year when people's minds are on the festivities and not covering all bases on night weekend and holiday cover let alone cover for staff change 

A lot was learnt by one agency on the end result of one death and the forgetten family ... And although that is good for those in the future 

For me I am xscarred where you cannot see ... And still to this day outside of the know and a little of the know ... the silent treatment speaks volumes ... 

End of life ...

... This time to put sad and happy farewells to peace ... 

All in tandem with a recovery process that is not lost on us in a pattern to us as a family i.e. My daughter and I ... 

With both trying to establish new times onward ... 

Photos and paperwork clutter that end of life brings ... To the life we lead ... And my own backlog of a family that still takes the time to move from one place to another this present time ...  This time though the belongings being cleared from one room ... 

Donated used or stored for the move to the North to assist a young couple ... The logistics of donations keeping and moving opposite ends of here ... Before my plunge in new times ... 

April Fools Day ...

A different style of life I have come back to .. from a calamity of time in between two counties ... 

One hopes for a settled time for this next chapter ... now the head of  the immediate family line ...

The removal of the invisible bound of neglect and forgotten family time and move afresh to a much simpler life ...  yet to siscover ... 

And the resurfacing of a life remembered and gone in fatal circumstances and another followed not long after ... 

This from times ... before that time that although enriched my life ... 

Took away loved ones prematurely...