The Forthcoming week ...

getting the paperwork ready for the new stuff that will enter the home either through the electronic waves or the letterbox ... for registering and finding ways to clear when I am ready ... for the moving of the abode ... 

And then all that annual stuff I still resent; soon to flow through the door yet again ... when I just rather have nothing more come here ...

To get that perpetual tasks done like that is difficult after the way it became ... 

And to work through all the stuffed paperwork from the clear ... that I did not create ... is a bind still from the past ... Yuk!

The Weekend ...

Switching off to have a rest ...

I try to do it as, though I work from home ... Getting all things reduced reused recycle to elsewhere enjoy the now to get to the plans and aims for a healthier, wealthier (not monetary) enriched life again ... we all cherish ... 

Spring Cleaning is ...

creeping in all around us ...

I sat in the newly redesigned cafe in the local supermarket to have a break. I took my own refreshments. The menu is now rigid, and not flexible. I did not fancy anything. 

It was quite mesmerising the sea of people going to and fro with their shopping. And the commuters  on my way home via the circuit route ... I sometimes take.

I look to the day I can stride out even easier to and from the in and out oa home home with an array of rooms for which they are meant to function ... 

I get absorbed in memories ...

however  much I try to to move through some of those items we can be tied to. I have been so away from it ... It took me another two days to get the milk ... I did get the tiniest teeny weeny bit of air taking the bin to the stores. I just did not get the heart pumping everything around outside. I have taken time out to cook some items I had too run out of ... bread ... I made some instead of going out. 

Today I worked in the bedroom ... back to some organisation of things I started and had to put to one side when Dad was first told he had secondary cancer in the brain and he could have a op ... to remove it ... And the start of time with him ... 

Side by Side ...

somehow ... getting a bit of the spring cleaning done with the clutter still in the b******* way ...

I was pottering about and looking to the day of the paint techniques and recipes back in action around me again ... especially my dressing table ... perched ... where it is not supposed to be ... I do not waste time on all that once was in my life. I spend time when not in maudlin mode; on doing things that make me feel as happy as I can be now... seeing my style of cooking appearing in the once bleak kitchen is inspiring to the family envious not able to taste it with me and another wanting the recipe.

In a Knot ...

one very restless time ...

I as always will try and adapt ... To these times ... A few we know have quite firm beliefs in work ethics ... Not realising some of us actually strive for what they think is the norm ... That walking on stony ground can cause a lot of pain, if podiatrists appointments have lack of continuity ... Again one tiny piece of a bigger puzzle in the mind of those that have such prejudice at times ... The world and the mind is like a tandem trying to go in opposite directions on the sane road ... 

More Key Pad and Kitchen ...

even though a weekend and I had timetabled my schedule... This is the hoarding life after ... Plus my new symptoms that I now work around ... A combination means I have to make use of more lucid times ... 

When the mind goes round in circles it is frustrating to say the least ... 

Pottering around in the kitchen yet again, trying to get some sort of order out of a muddle, muddle, you can't even begin to imagine .... into some organisation, is slower than slow, when the mind has been scarred by witnessing what most cannot begin to understand yet ... 

Time For Basics ... then a afternoon ...

in awaiting my groceries. I have been working at both my key pad and in the kitchen. 

I hope to fine tune the recycling area ... not having a back door, or a utility area these days. And with the pantry, larder cupboard still holding items from the save, during the clear to sort. I have had to utilise space in this kitchen. 

I hope to restore a bit more order in the kitchen. A small start. It is something, today. 

It has been good to reach ...

the interesting clutter ... still overwhelming in the disorganisation from some of the professionals too ... from that time ... 

• Initial not coping
• Crisis
• Not continuing work and care set in place ... hubby deceased ... belongings didn't go anywhere ...
• Brutally honest words ... don't shift the problem; just cos hubby gone 
• Failings on the learning's from local resolution meeting 
• Temporary accommodation items not thought of coming back  
• Not doing some things as promised
• Cant talk about this part still ... angers me too much
• Again this part is confidential it would be disturbing for those around me 
• Stocking up the home with fresh items. food etc clothes ... not thought about again by some of the professionals at that time ...

I was not in a fit state. I was in the middle of it all. Family around me had to deflect it; so as not to lose me too ...

Even with the daily tasks ...

like shopping entering the home, is scarred in my thought. This is a necessity. Today I ordered a batch of items I had on the agenda, to order online. The heavy items that take up room in my trolley. I will do this when I move to a hilly part of the country. I still go out for the fresh goods. I worked out at long last a shopping system for one.  It is only available to members. A new thing they are doing. I am trying it out ... you do not have to have a minimum order. Which helps when on a budget. 

All dry, liquid goods that don't go off is only on offer, a good concept. It means I still go out for the fresh produce. And when in Kernow the bakery, grocery and all the individual shops I should be ready for ...

The one pro about the artificial environment of the big stores is less hassle in handling cash ... individual transactions and what have you ...

Side Tracked ...

... this is the part of the journey that keeps one with reality in a roundabout of a way. Memory jogs and suppressed creativity of a home so lost to us. Our shared time in our shared hobbies. Our own interests we went off to do, too.

I have come to the part of the clutter, lost among the unnecessary which is of interest. And transferring craft, skills to keep a part of the memories into a memory book. This helps to feel less lost. And what I can find is now wasting time, when there are better things to do.

And where I can not get to do the home decor ... I can at least design virtually for now. 

Memories in Memories

Day 17 of 2016 ... approaching a month in my new year post husband ...

And starting to collate a memory box of simple things to look back on as work through some long rusty organisational skills in getting items together no longer used to the charity shops ... stash busting in all areas of the home ... 

Sided tracked a bit with the memories, which I mentioned on one of my other blogs for the risk of repeating myself ...

My daughter has a memory book from the initial start of the mass clearance to enable some form of living space to function. And move back in three months after the crisis unfolded into a death and a badly infected skin and in need of nutrition survivor ...

This book is  well looked at and shown too ... everything time I am around ... those little treasures of life,long left behind, once we gone forever, in the physical sense ...

Hope ... Keeps us Going...

... that is precisely what I hope for in hope. I hope all this comes together one day. 

A small step again today... so many more ... I try to look at what is done ... not what is not ... I also hope that my inbuilt clock of spring cleaning through February to May kicks in this year. I will achieve something more substantial then.

After the Time Before ...

... In the first week of 2016 ...

After time away from the countdown start last year due to new symptoms of ill health. I have had much needed rest with plenty of fresh air on medical advice. I was pretty much left to my own devices this week, which is not new. It suited me.

One gets a bit tired of repeating one self. I am now rolling up my own sleeves and becoming some sort of project manager myself, and start the long scenic route like a parcel takes in Cornwall to get to it's destination.

It is going to be every emotion going ... here, to what is an overwhelming situation. It helps that other plans put in place last year  ... is coming to fruition.