Easing back in to life

back home with various tasks to move life along in the slow lane .... and a spontaneous time of old today ... the fact of being free to do so ... in mind too for a change ... A trip out to the cinema. A film remincesnt of the bitterness one feels in a situation many and for me personally, portrayed in literature and life like forever ... The bitterness my sister helped to quell. 

And the fact that assisted suicide a topic in understanding when it is in the physical sense ... But still not to those who think otherwise ... And why people do it ... The pain I felt too; in a different sense ... 

Very emotive ... 

On task with ease

... keeping thyself from spiralling away from life further 

Collating the family history from the maternal, paternal and maternal line for a daughter reacquainted with belongings from the paternal line that is astray and skew whiff in time

The maternal line in files of my late fathers we went through. Some of the documents destined for the shredder, others to pass on to those who are interested in the past generations. A photo of an old home of Dads in correspondence with his grand daughter. His brother taking his great niece, my daughter on a tour of Southampton, where Dads family had lived. One of numerous homes from their childhood. A trip with this family line at their caravan in their fond county of Dorset, on the demise of my husband. The family giving my daughter space elsewhere away. 

A break away from life post crisis in her uni holidays to adjust ... without her deceased Dad.

Those same Auntie and Uncles born in such various places which mean much to each individual. Kent, Dorset, Somerset, Cornwall, Hampshire, West Sussex. Six of them born in no same place, in Dorset, alone. 

My paternal Granny and Grandad meeting in Northamptonshire. 

A family line so huge now with those already marrying in my daughters generation, with the next in the making ...  

Time in tuck

... and ticking over ... 

The shape of things happening right here, right now, the doctors advice at the ED to get plenty of Cornish air... It takes others sometimes to reign in common sense 

In a whirl

With solutions to those whose understanding only part way. The tackle in life reduced to make use of time better ... the requirement of some replies ... the next stage of battles to equate a war ... 

Load ideas

awhile ... 

The looking into those ideas to swift a move ... some good homes here to move a swift. Then where do I fit in a life altered ... 

Not my mind though

logistically... thinking the speed of the move without compromising my recovery 

We have been looking at the market within my current range for accomodation 

And am I making the right decisions 

A Repreive for today

up the next two flight of stairs

I hope to continue another time. My assistance needed elsewhere at the weekend in the garden. We muddle through without those once here

A morning in

a place I did not think I would see again... 

my muddled memory, from a muddled life is often problematic 

Today some of the puzzles fitted back together again.

When life is not in use in the routine of memory prompts, life gets misted up

This is often not understood 

It to me is often a silent inward dilemma and struggle to recall in recovery time to adjust back to live a life 

Busmans holiday...

June 13th, 2016 

Today 

In Dads paperwork this morning 

We sat in his office and went through part of the filing cabinet 

Interesting finds for daughter with the maternal, maternal, paternal line of the family tree going back to the 1700s to put with her paternal line she is currently piecing together 

Today's find is the family tree diagram from my daughter generation back. This had been done by a maternal cousin.

A little more out the home

today ... with my daughter ... travelling back to her home ... 

The plans for what is required in her new abode, with what has materialised, since she was here last month ... for now just these items a few today, reunited with special items, we thought we no longer had ...

On this current trip home, she wore a pair of my earings, I gave her on a different occasion. They were a gift from my husband. I have already passed then on. They are very special, from a jewellers in this town, now no longer here. And purchased before the 01 appeared at the beginning of the telephone area code. 

Family History

those documents coming back together ... the little pieces of paper revealing in time of birth marriage and death certificates of the bloodline of a daughter ...

The excitement of where the names now fit in ... the twigs of the family tree 

The original puzzle of descendants in the first instance of some previous research, now being able to get finished from the physical hard copies of whispers now through clues and signs ... of those traces of voiceless echoes ... 

A window of opportunity

... I delved through some more ... 

I had finished for now ... but this life continues to change within life twists and turns anyway ... every opportunity to get out this bog hole ... 

the little sparkles of Mummy Sally scattered

around the home

Life enthusing throughout the home rippling across the spectrum in a more simple format ... The little of those personal flourishes and touches of which our daughter tried to restore, to welcome me back home after the crisis ... The mini wooden tongs for the toaster ... the beverages jars she selected on behalf of a welcome back home gift from a cousin.

It continues through to this day ... 

As my first crisis support suggested to stand back one day ... to say I did it ... I'm back  .. 

... As yet to still fully arrive ... I am on my much anticipated way back ... 

The laborious into the glorious

a first day in a while being able to concentrate on the now. I am like marmite today. My complex medication for my travels. The ease of knowledge I have that in case things happen. This has been updated with advice for the quality of life, within the parameters of time and age. 

The frustrations of time and loss today, impacts on when daughter arrives, or I visit. It is like surfing a wave, when you slide off ... you try again. 

This will be my life now .... 

Enjoying the sacrifices ...

we have made these months last ... 

now it is time to think about the coming weeks ... 

I am never amazed at what not only that time, but the adjustment period was like for me ... I was most definitely adrift in life ... 

I have certainly enjoyed the light emerging in everything ... The photos ... Music ... Personal items ... the thoughts of others in my recovery ... the recipes to entice me in my cooking again ... 

All the simple things that get so lost in life anyway ... Let alone the extremes in life and death ... 

Where is the blue ...?

and vivid light of Summer ...?

It seems to be the Ecosystems are out of tune ... so to the seasons ... this is my further interests in life not only what I have missed ... but noticeable different outside as well, as in, besides the advancement of technology and noise since time out of sync for me ... the eco structure is all caput ...

Thoughts into a different

spectrum ... re-learning that life in life and I am in it ...rather than at the sidelines ... All the applications and forms for all the next phases ... in the process and patiently awaiting those for the next outcome on the advice of those supporting me ... 

Those that believe in me ... 

Thy head is getting

attuned with the lost paper work strategy 

I am getting familiar with new aspects in the ever evolving world in which I now belong again 

Also I am constantly checking my finances are running smooth ... I forgot a bill due on the first. It is done now ... This is the hidden cost of life disintegration and disingenuous life behind dishevelled life ... not of my doing ... Those of us who live with others ... who are more than hard work when intervention is not robust enough ... 

This is your life

plenty of red books ... 

in dribs and drabs is a countdown far in advance to the norm 

This to cope with my flunctuating moods 

My plans with our daughter 

My plans with my kinfolk 

My plans with thyself 

Thoughts are fluttering

beyond the cluttering
housing options I seek
to get out of this reek
in estate agents mum goes
sister on line and
those who know
giving a show
in what flows
starting the process prose
now for me to pick up
the documents hiccup
and all the logistics
the anaesthetics

Where do I go ...?

Ever so slowly

and surprisingly surely,

those items astray,

in the foray,

some are reunited, 

from the swing and sway.

The some hurrays

in this 'ere stay

to photos from those

much happier days. 

The remnants ...

... from this stage ...

... is what is left ... the fine tune up ... still a volume to others ... With the amount flowing through in all that flutters, it is reducing in time ... 

The days depending on mood of circles or straight away through 

The better days seeing some semblance of togetherness. The frustrating task of keeping track the important stuff. The conflicts though of what I see not as important as to some. The others that say nothing is surmountable. Yes ... it can just be more difficult not having the right documentation 

All of our IDs cost ruddy money... and replacements even more ...

That lost life cost so much more in time energy and taken a few years off mine ... 

... Despondency and disregard ...

Recipe of care plans ...the handouts are easy to dish out 

When you phone them ... Another matter all together 

This ... one comes across in segments of time gone ...on one journey through the riddance 

I will do ... What is fit ... In the bonfire ... Turn that good for nothing paper into ash 

Well we did that at the other property 

Different disposal here ... 

like those who let him rot and stink 

The megatastic Tidy

... ready to the countdown now ... 

and more firm plans in our pencilled in plans to catch up on our travelling beyond the now ... 

We are in the very beginnings of ... where would we like to go ... ? This too is not a pipe dream ... It is something since that lost time of those places we planned ... but did not materialise ... in sharing times together ... when we were a young family ... 

This is what anyone who comes into our family fold ... will be taking on ... Where we didn't ... we are now doing new places to visit beyond our culture  ... 

A bit busy to sleep

... the times in this life unsettled to find solutions ... The piecing together of a fragmented time ... the only recently finally realised part diagnosis ... 

And still awaiting other outcomes ... In the meantime best remedy to suit my individual unclient led survival during this time in still an environment not good ... Cannot see or known by those a swift in as out of a life of continued adjustment to live life ... outside back in the norm ...